Computers: When Good Artists Get Lazy

Seriously.  It was terrible when computers started doing all of the lettering and soon billboards, soda cans, posters, and signs in comic books, rather than being hand drawn, were left blank and filled in later with extremely poorly done computer fonts that often exceeded the space allotted or failed to fit the perspective of the drawing.  It was just terrible.  But then artists started to avail themselves of the capabilities of computer assisted drawing.  Sometimes, the results were amazing.  Sometimes the results were subtle and you would never know a computer had a digital hand in the art.  And then there are times when the computer was abused to a point where an otherwise truly amazing artist just got so lazy they became an embarrassment to their body of work. That might seem a bit harsh, but just keep reading and you'll see what I mean.

Salvador Larroca is a Spanish comic book artist who came into prominence in the early 2000's and made a big splash with his semi-comical, yet at times edgy style.  He was hot property for a good 8-10 years and in that time he really made his mark on the industry.  For my money he redefined the look of Marvel's First Family when he relaunched the Fantastic Four during the Heroes Return retcon.  Just take a look at this awesome cover from that run

Great stuff, yes.  So imagine my dismay when he would later have his turn at the Invincible Iron Man during the big, boring, yearly Marvel Crossover event "Fear Itself."  Dismay, you say?  Yes, dismay. Because somewhere between 1999 and 2011, the computer took control of Salvador Larroca and poisoned his work.  See, the computer allows you to easily do things that were once difficult and usually resulted in messy work.  Now, the same messy results can be achieved, but with significantly less effort. And when you are on a deadline and your editor is pushing you for pages, it can be all too seductive to just let the computer do the work for you.  This, in turn, can make a good artist lazy.  (All of the following images are taken from Sal's run on Iron Man circa 2011)

The most glaring evidence of this kind of unfortunate sloth is the repetitive image.  Why draw panel after panel of characters talking and doing things, when you can just draw one image and then copy and paste it into several panels?  That's the hallmark of good, sequential storytelling, right?

It's easiest to do this when one character is standing still, talking.

Ok.  To be fair, he added a couple of forehead lines in the second panel to show that he's determined, or something.

But what if people are talking and I need to add in a character?  Won't I have to redraw then whole scene?  Not necessarily...

With a little photoshop level magic you can just add in the new character and keep going.

Ok, so I can do that, but suppose I need that character later, not just in the next panel.  Surely the computer cannot help me with that?
Not so fast.  Just because you won't see the character until several panels later, or heck even the next page, doesn't mean you can't just copy and paste.  Take a look:

See!  Even though Pepper, drawn to look exactly like Nicole Kidman (indubitably the result
more computer help), appears here in panel three of the first page and won't reappear until panel 1 of the next page (with about 6 panels of action in between), doesn't mean we have to redraw her.  Oh no, we can just cut and paste and have the colorist adjust the lighting.  Then we can add the Sandman in the background and viola! a whole new panel!  What?  Are you saying it is highly unlikely that Pepper would be in the exact same position, particularly that hand, after several seconds, or maybe minutes, of action?  Pshaw!

Ok, ok.  So that's all well and good for talking heads, but the same thing cannot be applied to action scenes.  Those have to be drawn panel-for-panel every time.  You can't cut corners there.
But wait!  Yes you can!

In Sal's defense here, he is kind of going for a thing where Iron Man elbows Doc Ock in the head, and then we pull into the shot and are then shown an X-ray to demonstrate the damage caused by the impact.  But that's only a partial defense, because the copied panel is really unnecessary to pull off the device.  So, the copied panel is either filler to pad the issue, or it's just sloppy storytelling.  Either way, it's just lazy not to redraw the panel.  Pulling in closer to the action could reveal greater detail, if you redrew it.  Cut and paste just makes it a throw away.

So if you can cut and paste panel after panel with the help of a computer, you might only have to draw 8 or 10 pages of a 22 page comic, and then cut and paste the images wherever you need them. And if you are only going to draw 8 or 10 pages, you will be able to really knock those pages out of the park and make them amazing, right?  With all that time the computer is saving you, you can pour everything you've got into those pages and really wow the reader.  Right?  Well...

I'm not saying Pepper's legs, the pizza boxes, the bottles, and the entire background, are phoned in this panel (along with almost every background in every panel of the comic)...oh wait, that's exactly what I'm saying.  Come on.  That's just pathetic.

And then there's this:

Can anyone explain Tony's upper anatomy in this panel?  Maybe if he's Animal Man and he's channeling a dog of some kind, this makes a modicum of sense, but otherwise, what in the holy hell is going on here?

This is the same super start artist who did this X-men cover:

and these pages

and you are asking me to accept that this is the same level of work?  Not even close.  Not even remotely close.  And, it honestly looks like the computer is to blame.  While it can be a valuable tool, it can also be sorely abused and can result in really great artists coming across as extremely sloppy.  I still love Sal and I love his work, but whatever happened on Iron Man is not representative of his capabilities and I believe reliance on the computer is at least partly to blame.

John Romita Jr.'s Iron Man

Iron Man #259, August 1990 was my very first Iron Man comic book.  I was a Spider-Man fan.  I had never really paid any attention to the golden Avenger, but I got this issue in one of those comic grab bag lots you could get from the Sears catalog back in the day.  My family knew I liked comic books, but had no idea how to shop for such a hobby, so every year at Christmas I would get this assortment of comics that I assume Marvel over-produced and undersold.  (It wasn't all bad, these mixed lots are where I got my first appearance of Gambit, and my first Jim Lee art on Uncanny X-men).  In that lot, among the issues of Groo and Double Dragon, was Iron Man #259.

The story takes place fairly early during the Armor Wars II event.  Maybe not the best place for a new reader to jump in, but this was back in the good ol' days of comics where every issue was treated like someone's first and editors were not afraid to reference back issues so you can go catch up.  John Byrne was the writer and while this outing wasn't as strong as his legendary run on Fantastic Four, it was still pretty good and contained a solid story with bigger picture storylines that built interest in future issues.  Sadly, that wouldn't be in the cards for me as the gas station where I bought my comics didn't carry Iron Man...

But it wasn't the story that stood out to me.  It was the art.  I was familiar with John Romita Jr. from his work on Spider-Man in the 80's.  At that time his style was still heavily influenced by his father's iconic work, but his work on Iron Man was very much unlike his earlier stuff.  He was starting to really come into his own. Look at the incredible composition of this splash page.  It echoes the action of the cover, but trades some of the spectacle and ramps up the drama.  Iron Man is trapped.  The Titanium Man (or his ghost) looms over him, dominating the panel and crushing our hero in the bottom left corner of the panel, the most submissive placement in the panel.  In what little room is left behind T-Man, darkness threatens to close in on both characters.  This single panel does an incredible job of setting up the next several pages of the comic.
While the hatching that would become his signature is at work here, it is put to good use predominately on the villain and the background and contrasted with the sleeker "shine" lines on Iron Man's armor.  It's striking work and it is clear that JRJR is at home drawing big guys in metal suits.

Here's another page from later in the issue.  Iron Man has escaped the Titanium Man's ghost and has lost track of him.  However, he has also woken up three days later in San Francisco with no idea how he got there.  This particular page is nothing new.  It's the classic "putting on the armor" page that is almost required in an Iron Man comic and one that Romita Jr. would do nearly once per issue during his run.  But look at how well he does it.  He loves it.  He takes one of the most chiche pages in comic book history and just takes it to the next level.  The key is the simplicity.  Something that gets very lost in his later and current work.  He doesn't complicate the backgrounds, he keeps them clean, only adding motion lines to the final panel as Iron Man takes off. The close-ups in the first four panels are smartly done.  It's understood that he is putting on the suit, so JRJR pulls us in close so that we only get snippits of the armor building to the reveal in panel 5. Again, not much new here, but it's so well done that it deserves mention.  There are scant few straight lines and virtually no hatching.  Instead, Romita Jr. uses blotches of black to indicate the shine as the light plays off the armor.  Without a lot of line work, the colors are bolder and more striking and the overall impact of the full suit in the last panel is as good as any splash page.  Most importantly, Romita Jr. is able to take something that Iron Man does every issue, sometimes more than once, and still make it an exciting and awesome moment.

The final page of the issue is another splash page. It wasn't uncommon at this time to open and close with splash pages, particularly when there was a big reveal.  It wasn't abused like it was in the early aughts when artists were almost required to load a comic with splash pages to fill out an issue that was extremely light on story.  This splash page reveals the true identity of the Titanium Man's ghost to be the Living Laser.  The scene just before this takes place in a massive room filled with mirrors, where the Laser blinds Iron Man with a barrage of light.  When the glow recedes, there stands the Laser in his moment of triumph.  I like this page, again, because of its simplicity.  Due the very nature of the Living Laser's physical manifestation, you cannot shadow him.  He is pure light, so Romita Jr. is required to reduce his line use to the absolute minimum.  The Laser's pose is dynamic and JRJR takes liberty with his anatomy to make him just a little more bendy than an actual human might be.  The use of Kirby Crackle as the only background helps put all of the focus on the reveal and keep the page clean and simple.

Unfortunately, I only have one other issue of JRJR's run on Iron Man, issue #265, but it's a winner too.  Another striking cover with interiors to match.  Hopefully, I can fill out this gap in my collection and one day marvel in the full glory of what I feel is the height of John Romita Jr.'s work.

Later in his career, JRJR began to rely much too heavily on his hatching work and pretty soon everything looked like it was made out of spaghetti or coils of rope.  His style also began to skew more blocky and this human anatomy began to look like "gooey cubes."  (imagine a perfect cube, then round off all of the edges).  His work on books like Uncanny X-men, Avengers, and later the Amazing Spider-Man exemplify this unfortunate evolution in his style.  Gone is the economic line use, the blotchy black shadow work, and the simple panel layout.  Even something as simple as a hooded sweatshirt features more lines and folds than seem reasonable.  At this point, JRJR's work is nearly a parody of itself and a sorry departure from his absolutely incredible work on Iron Man.  I used to get very excited to find that he was going to be working on a comic I was reading, but now I almost dread it.  I've seen the heights to which he can soar, so it's hard to hard to look at something that is less than his best.

Marvel Comics: House of M

As I am making my way through the letter "H" during my comics PURGE, I ran across the House of M limited series from 2005.  I remember being moderately satisfied with it at the time, but ultimately saw it as just another piece of the flawed attempt to resuscitate the floundering House of Ideas. However, upon my second read this weekend, a decade later, my eyes were opened to what is actually a rather good story with some really strong, character defining moments.  Let's take a look:


Just after the turn of the century, Brian Michael Bendis, for all intents and purposes, acquired complete control of the Marvel Universe with the goal of bringing it back from the brink of disaster.  Heroes Reborn/Return had flopped, Spider-Man Chapter One was yet another disaster in the life of that franchise, and the rest of the Marvel U was just all over the place.  Bendis swept into the Marvel offices like a less skeevy Rasputin with a grand plan to save the comics giant from becoming another DC.  His plan centered around completely destabilizing the status quo of most of the signature characters and then filling in the gaps with extremely solid characterization and a lot of "realistic" dialogue.  Whether he was successful or not is really a matter for debate and, at least for me, hinges upon how much you loved the Marvel Universe before about 1995, but either way, Bendis undeniably changed the way Marvel Comics were written, thought about, and executed.

It was also during this time that the "Marvel Way" became synonymous with "write for trade."  And for good reason.  Bendis is the king of the big picture.  His strength is in writing the long story.  His single issue work is extremely hit and miss, with a lot of misses, but when it comes to writing a 6 or 9 part story (or longer in the case of his absolutely riveting run on Daredevil), he is a master.  House of M demonstrates this better than any other series of his I've read thus far.

The story is a bridge between two of Bendis' main events.  The preceding event, Avengers Disassembled, was a huge story that rocked the world's greatest heroes to their core, Marvel-killed* a few major players, and led to the creation of a very different kind of Avengers team.  This event was caused by the Scarlet Witch losing control of her powers after going quite mad.  (*Marvel-killed, of course, means that the character "dies" with the full intention of bringing them back as soon as sales dwindle or fan reaction is negative enough).  House of M was the next step in the plan.  After determining that the Scarlet Witch was the cause of the crisis, all of the major players in the Marvel Universe came together to decide what to do with her.  This sets the stage for issue #1 of the House of M limited series.

The story is a little slow to start with the first four issues slowly establishing the world we are about to play in.  First we see the world in the aftermath of Avengers Disassembled and the major players deciding the fate of Wanda Maximoff.  Then, in a literal flash the world is remade into one where mutants reign supreme.  Magneto is the monarch of a world in which humans are the minority.  One of the interesting side effects is that all of the heroes involved in the Avengers Disassembled event have been given their most cherished desires.  All would be just fine, except that one very important character remembers things the way they were (and are supposed to be).  That character is Wolverine, whose greatest desire was to have complete memory of his past.  Unfortunately, that level of recall also allowed him to remember that things used to be different.  Armed with this knowledge, Logan realizes it is up to him to set things right.  Along the way he encounters another mutant, a new character named Layla Miller, who can awaken the same realization in other people.  Together, they set out to convert the other key players and find a way to reverse the effect of the House of M.

All in all a good premise and a pretty good superhero yarn.  And then we get to issue #5.  Issue #5 firmly plants this story into the Marvel Archive as one of the classics.  In this issue we get the full impact of the consequences of the House of M because it is here that Logan must show Peter Parker that his ideal life is a lie and must come to an end.  Peter does not take it well.  Nor should he.  In the House of Magnus world he has it all.  He's married to Gwen Stacy, Uncle Ben is alive and well, he has a child, and he is famous for being Spider-Man.  He has everything he could ever want and it is all as real as anything could be.  There's no "too good to be true" aspect to his life, it's just his ideal life realized.  So, of course, Logan has to come and literally destroy all of that by having Layla awaken the reality inside him.

Bendis shines in his depiction of Peter's suffering as a result of the loss.  His grief and rage are real and powerful.  From this point forward, the character of Spider-Man should really never be the same.  (sadly, that becomes all too true, but not in a good way)  As a reader and life-long fan of Spider-Man, I can honestly say Peter's turmoil hits home hard.  It is painful to see the character put through these paces and presented with such profound anguish.  But because Bendis is smart and a true character writer, it is also a very satisfying read.

The story goes on as planned with the heroes banding together to right the wrong that created the House of Magnus alternate universe.  I'll not spoil some of the better twists of the story here. Very entertaining and all in all a good superhero plot, but the real strength of the writing is the handling of the characters and their various reactions to learning the truth.  Peter's reaction is the one that really resonates with me, but there is a lot of great character work being done in this series.  When the awakened heroes all get together to plan their attack, Cyclops is laying out the battle plan explaining that there will be three strike teams.  Then Jessica Drew interrupts with the apt question as to whether or not reverting things is even the right thing to do, suggesting that maybe this was meant to happen and is the right thing to have happen.  The heroes all go down that theoretical path with her for about a page and then Cyclops basically says, "are we all done with that?  Good.  There will be three teams..."  It is an incredible moment for that character as well; perhaps one of my favorite Cyclops moments of all time.

There is also a nice moment with Spider-Man and Logan, shortly after Spidey learns the truth, where he emotionally crosses a moral barrier he once held sacred.  I'll let the comic speak for itself here:

If you are a classic Spider-Man fan of any measure, that is a huge moment.  Bendis makes it very easy to get caught up in the moment with Peter.

And then of course, there is the iconic moment at the end of the series where the Scarlet Witch strikes again with her incredible power, this time in reverse, wiping out all mutants except for a tiny handful. This sets the stage for the next big Marvel event.  The Bendis era at Marvel was defined by yearly, mythos-shattering events that constantly rewrote the Marvel status quo.  The only real downfall in the House of M is the lack of a truly satisfying ending. The end of this series is really just a prologue to the next big event as the Marvel Universe deals with the sudden near-extinction of the mutant population and it feels like the story is more of a transition than a fully told tale.  If this story was allowed to have a more complete end, it would easily stand up next to classics like Days of Future Past or the Dark Phoenix Saga, but since the end feels more like a prologue, the denouement of the main plot is a little hollow.

But if you want a good look at how to tell character driven stories in a microcosm, you really cannot do much better than House of M issues #5-8.  Bendis gives a clinic in how to take established characters and put them through their paces.  I am extremely, pleasantly surprised to rediscover this series after nearly dismissing it a decade ago.  There is some tremendous work here if you are a fan of classic Marvel.

CrApps: Who Buys this Stuff?

So, recently for a fun time waster, I've been playing a very simple, very harmless game on my phone called Mr. Jump.  Mr. Jump is a platformer in the most basic sense.  You jump over things and run to the end of the level.  Like I said, it's simple and harmless.  And best of all, it never asks me for money.

To pay the bills, Mr. Jump will pop an advertisement up after every 4 or 5 lives lost, enticing you to play another game that, presumably, you might be interested in.  Except that's where the wheels come off.  Take a look at the ads that are showing up during Mr. Jump.

Give her a make-over?  The one on the left or the one on the right?  How about neither?  How do I make her less moody?  Is it good enough to just change her shirt?

Superstar Life?  That's the best you can do?  I suspect the made-over girl from the game above makes an appearance.  For a guy with hearts around his head, I'm not sure this guy wants to date anyone, especially not the thing on the left.

I like this one because it just blatantly rips off Pokemon.  I like to think this game is called Cease and Desist 2015.

Kill Shot?  First of all, you aren't even aiming at that guy on the other roof.  Are you shooting an invisible foe to his left?  I get that shooters are all the rage, but you'll probably want to do more than just have your hat in the ring.

Is the game called "Episode" or is this an episode of some other game, like maybe Superstar Life?  Furthermore, is this a game or a bad sitcom?

Look, I understand that shovelware is going to exist for EVERY gaming platform, even phones and tablets, but these redefine the genre.  What are the chances these are even fully programmed?  At least 3 of those games are by the same team and are likely the same game with extremely slight alterations.   And maybe the worst part, is that absolutely no effort is being put into marketing these games to me.  They look like total crap, they likely are total crap, but these "ads" are only reinforcing that fact.  At no time is any effort made to disguise that these "games" were probably made in about 30 minutes with some kind of automatic game generator software.  If you are going to ask me to even think about playing your game, you might want to make it in some way appealing.

So I have to ask, who plays these games?  Is there a target audience for these things?  Or are CrApp developers just throwing as many terrible "games" as they can produce at the wall and hoping at least one of them generates some kind of revenue?  It reminds me a lot of Spam emails.  What is the business plan behind these schemes?  Is it enough if just one person clicks on the link?  Will you make your money back if just one person buys the game or makes an in-app purchase?  Or are you just hoping to capitalize on the lazy, stupid consumer?  Because that seems like the most likely answer.

In any event, it's damn shame that a fun little, harmless game like Mr. Jump has to shill shovelware like this to pay the bills, but I guess if it keeps them from directly asking me for cash, we are all good.

NEW COMICS: Star Wars #1, Princess Leia #1

My comic book store owner knows I am a huge Star Wars fan.  He doesn't quite appreciate that I am a purist.  And by purist I mean canon = the Original Trilogy.  The first Timothy Zahn trilogy of novels and the Han Solo Trilogy are apocrypha, as are Dark Empire, Shadows of the Empire, and a few limited "Tales from..." compilations.  As with all apocrypha I could take or leave them, but generally they entertained me.

So when I said, "how are the new Star Wars comics?" and he said "they are really good, you need to read them," I'm not sure he really knew what he was suggesting.  My standards for Star Wars is ridiculously high.  BUT, I am not a closed-minded a-hole.  I am always open to more great stories in a universe that was GOD to me growing up.  However, I usually take that look with much caution.  I could recount my analysis of the recent Episode VII trailer, but that belongs in another entry.

I decided to throw at least most of that caution to the wind and pick up at two of the three Star Wars comics that were just recently released.  Maybe this time they got it right, or were at least close.  Maybe this time I would be able to revisit the magic that is Star Wars again and feel the same thrill I felt when I spent two days reading the aforementioned Zahn trilogy cover to cover instead of studying for my HIST-351 final.  Maybe...

So we start with Star Wars #1.  Seems like the good place to start.  This is the core book.  The story is set between New Hope and Empire Strikes Back (from here on in, it's going to get nerdy, so if you don't really get Star Wars, you will get lost, I make no apologies or attempts to carry you through this) and I'm told that all but a few select things from here and there have been thrown out and this is a fresh start (so goodbye to that apocrypha listed above).

I'll try to break the story down for you without totally ruining it because you may want to read this on your own.  Basically, our heroes (the core characters) are working to take the Empire down from the inside by destroying the rest of the Imperial infrastructure.  The Death Star was the big potato, but there are other notable targets, like the largest munitions factory (or in this case planet) in the Empire.  So our team resorts to extremely slight subterfuge to sneak in and blow up the weapons manufacturing base.  And they do a pretty good job of it, that is until it is time to leave.  As they are about to make their escape, the big scary guy himself shows up (what are the chances?), and effectively nullifies their chance to get smoothly off the planet.  While Luke, Han and Leia are doing the hard work, Chewbacca is playing point man for their escape, and Threepio is hiding out with the Falcon in a garbage dump.  When their cover is blown, Chewbacca gets compromised and Han and Co. attempt to blast their way out.  Meanwhile Threepio is meant to come pick them up in the Falcon, only the ship has been picked apart by scavengers and is not ready for take-off.  Our heroes are left in quite a pickle.  This sounds great, doesn't it?  It sounds like it is going to be exactly what we want it to be.  And yet...

I think my main problem is that the whole issue tries too hard.  I don't know that I am familiar with Jason Aaron's writing before this, nor the man himself, so I have no idea what he already knows about Star Wars, but I feel like this book over-tries to BE Star Wars to the point that there is no room for anything else, or worse, anything new.  And therein lies my real beef with this comic.  There is nothing new to see here.  Everything in this comic BLEEDS Star Wars in all its Star Warsiness.  Aaron doesn't show me anything I haven't seen before, sometimes with ridiculous results.  Let's start there:

The book opens with our heroes piloting a stolen spacecraft that is meant to hold a delegation from Tatooine coming to negotiate a trade deal with the Empire.  From Tatooine.  What are the chances?  There are a ba-zillion planets in the galaxy and the ship the Rebels steal is from a planet we have much, much, much familiarity with from the movies.  Why?  Does it serve the story?  No.  Up until now the ONLY significance of Tatooine is that it's where Luke and Ben came from.  Otherwise, it has been painted as a barren, miserable planet of absolutely no significance. The stolen ship could be from Klakdon VII and it would matter not to the story.  So why is it from Tatooine?  Because Star Wars.  Now we go from the convenient to the absurd.  What does this spaceship from Tatooine look like?  Keep in mind it's a SPACE SHIP.  Why, look there!  It looks just like a Sail Barge.  Just like the one Jabba the Hutt uses to tool around the desert on Tatooine.  Would it make sense for a SPACE SHIP to look like something built for traversing the desert?  Does everything on Tatooine have to look like this?  I seriously doubt it, but here it does.  Why?  Because Star Wars.

Would it have killed the story for this to be a ship from Planet X that looked like a cool new kind of space ship we've never seen before?  No.  It probably would have helped.  A lot.  But instead we are force fed super familiar stuff because I guess the writers or editors are afraid if we don't see Star Warsy stuff right out the gate, we'll think we bought a Care Bears comic instead.  It just misses the point.  (Go read the Zahn trilogy and see if he does that.  Here's a hint:  No, he does not)

The rest of the comic keeps falling into this trap.  Eschewing cool new Star Wars stuff for things you have seen before.  Why does Vader have to be the big bad Imperial that shows up to thwart them?  Why can't it be a new big bad Imperial threat?  Because Star Wars.  As the heroes are trying to escape they run into a giant storeroom full of, guess what, AT-ATs and decide to hijack one to make their escape.  Does it make sense that they might find AT-ATs in this facility?  Sure, but do they have to immediately assume its a great idea to hijack one in order to escape?  But why do they find AT-ATs?  Because Star Wars.  And why do they decide to steal one in order to escape?  Because wouldn't it be cool if Han Solo drove an AT-AT?  Also, Star Wars.  And finally, the comic ends with something you've never seen before:  Luke squares off against Vader in a lightsaber duel (or at least that what is set up by the panel below).  Not only am I pretty sure this screws up ESB more than a little bit, I'm also pretty sure as a Star Wars fan, I've already seen this twice in its two most impressive forms.  And yet, here I get to see it again. Why?  Does it serve the story?  No.  Because Star Wars.

And finally, the one area where Aaron decides to try something new feels completely out of place.  Threepio has always been a reactionary character.  He has always bumbled into a situation, reacted poorly to it, and then somehow bumbled out of it.  His one shining moment, the culmination of his story arc if you will, is in ROTJ in the Ewok village when he more or less saves the team and then recounts the story of their adventures. Otherwise, he's just kind of bumbling around without much to say about the world except an immediate reaction to what is going on (he's the chorus and our window in if you will).  Yet here, Aaron decides that Threepio is running commentary on the big picture, making inside jokes ("I do find it rather disconcerting that your vessel continues to be so easily mistaken for garbage" despite the fact that it won't be mistaken for garbage until ESB, so "continues" is an odd joke), and otherwise waxing philosophical about the Rebellion overall and the ability of the characters to work together.  It's just not in his character to do this.  Nor is it in his character to take a blaster and go to work on the scavengers dismantling the ship.  Although that is where Aaron seems to be taking us.  Can C-3PO even hold a blaster?  Ugh.  It just isn't working.  The only hope is that Threepio blunders it badly or someone comes and rescues him.

Honestly, the bare bones of this comic are absolutely great, but the execution of it is extremely troubled.  I feel like Jason Aaron was required to sit and watch all 3 movies and then just spat out what he saw onto the plot of this comic, hoping that it was Star Wars enough to catch the casual fan and not piss off the die-hards (or hell, maybe even titillate the die-hards, I can't tell.)  The end result is that I will not be back for issue two.  I've already seen the movies, I don't need see those same elements shaken up in a snow globe and regurgitated for me over a new plot.  No, thanks.

Honestly, there was more novel stuff in THIS Star Wars comic set in the same time period, but from a wildly different era

(I make little mention of Cassady's art because I've not been much of a fan since Astonishing X-men, and honestly, for me, he's a one-trick pony that is solid, but unimpressive.  He draws from movie stills to get the faces to look right and when he doesn't you can tell.  His action is solid, but flat.  The best I can say is that he isn't over stylized, which I truly hate, so I guess it could be a LOT worse)



Ok, so that was a little bumpy.  Let's take a look now, at Princess Leia #1 and hope that it's better.

And it is!  Much better.  I'm totally on board with this comic.  Unlike Star Wars #1, this comic doesn't vomit Star Wars all over the place and hope it's striking a nostalgia chord with me so that I feel catered to.  Instead, this comic tells a great Princess Leia solo story about what the hell she does with herself once the Death Star has been destroyed and she has to come to grips with the fact that her ENTIRE FREAKING PLANET has been obliterated.  Alderaanian Shakespeare? Gone.  Alderaanian Michelangelo's David?  Gone.  Alderaanian Marx Brothers?  Gone.  It's all gone.  Plus her entire family and friends and stuff.  So what the hell do you do with that?  There's your story.  And it's a good one.

Leia finds out that the Empire is hunting down any remaining Alderaanians with the intent to kill them.  Apparently you screw with the Empire and you get ultimate nullified.  Not cool.  So Leia decides to go preemptive and round up the remaining Aderaanians herself and get them to safety.  She enlists the aid of a conveniently placed, but totally acceptable, Alderaanian X-wing pilot to help her execute this plot.  This first issue tells the story of how this ball gets rolling, and honestly, it looks like its going to be a LOT of fun.

A lot of fun until the final page.  The last couple of panels really.  See I thought we were leaving all of the BAD Star Wars stuff behind and trying for a fresh start.  I thought we were safe.  And then Leia says:

Well, shit.

Since I read that, Aimee has talked me down, suggesting that maybe, just maybe, THIS Naboo won't be a giant flaming pile of crap loaded with Gungans and Ric Olies and dismal romances and all of the other stuff from The Movies That Shall Not Be Named.  So I am going to give Issue #2 a try.  Maybe she's right.  Maybe I shouldn't throw away 21 pages of really great stuff over one trivial detail.  Maybe, but it's a BIG risk.  Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me 4 times?  I'll set that damn comic on fire.

(Terry Dodson's art is a perfect match for the tone of this book as well.  A great storyteller and a pleasing style!)




So the net result is a disappointing Star Wars comic and a very promising Princess Leia comic with a troubling edge.  Honestly, it could have been worse, much much worse.  And as a side note, based on the "sneak previews" in the back of Star Wars #1, I think I am glad I didn't pick up Darth Vader #1 and here's why:

Why is Vader visiting Jabba the Hutt?  Because Star Wars.  Ugh.

The PURGE: Frankenstein's Monster

So after finishing out my Fantastic Four run (on a very low note thank you Mark Waid, et al.) I had a couple of issues of The Frankenstein Monster in my collection from 1973-1974.  And while the second one was so-so, the first one, Issue #9 was maybe one of the best comics in my collection.

I think the cover tells you why:

That's right.  Frankenstein's Monster goes up against Dracula.  There really can be no better premise for a comic book.  There really can't.  And despite unbelievable expectations set up by this awesome cover, the book delivers in spades!  To make things even better, it's drawn by under appreciated industry legend John Buscema.

The set up is simple, the angry mob wants to kill Dracula for, you know, being Dracula, but instead they get their hands on the Monster and try to burn him at the stake instead.  Sadly, the Monster has renounced life and is content with his end.  Content, that is until Dracula strikes again.  As he is burning to death (?), he hears the screams of a young woman (what are the chances she is young, and quite sexy?  100%) who has been feasted upon by Dracula.  And the book pulls no punches, he straight-up kills the woman.  70's comics had wherewithal. (you can't say "balls" anymore, so I'm bringing "wherewithal" back, feel free to use at your leisure).

The minute the beautiful woman screams, the angry mob forgets about the Monster and remembers that they still hate Drac.
Like typical men, they let their thirst for vengeance over come their need to protect their women.  Luckily, the scream snaps them out of it.
It's the super-outdated writing like this that lends real charm to older comics.  In this post-Postmodern era, sentiments like this are just absurd, but it's the absurdity that makes them hilarious to read.

But there is no time for chuckles, Dracula is afoot and the Monster must do something about it.  He can come back and be killed later (and says as much).

Long story short, the Monster locates Dracula's cave while Drac is off trying to find a new coffin to sleep in (dawn is coming).  Apparently his old coffin was destroyed in an encounter with the Monster last issue (note to self: get issue #8).  While in Dracula's cave, the Monster encounters a woman who has been turned into a vampire by Dracula (again issue #8 is a must get).  The woman tries to turn the Monster, but only manages to paralyze his vocal chords in an unexplained move off panel, before the Monster gives her the old "stake through the heart" trick.  Again, straight-up death.  Body count: 2.

It's then that Dracula shows up (no sign of the coffin, despite the fact that he stole it from the coffin maker, whom he promised not to kill, then did.  Body count: 3) and is enraged that the Monster has killed one of his brides.  The epic battle ensues and is quite a row.  It's all visual and Buscema really shines in its telling.  But the end result is this:

That's right.  Frankenstein's Monster just flat out kills Dracula.  Kills him. (Body Count: 4, with a bonus point for killing Dracula).  The Lord of the Freaking Vampires.  The Master Vampire.  And the Monster kills him.  Final.  Dead.  To make doubly sure of this fact, not only does the Monster toss Dracula out into the sunlight where he burns to death, but as his undead flesh is melting away, the Monster makes with the oak stake again and rams it through his rapidly sublimating heart.  THE Count Dracula is definitively killed in The Frankenstein Monster issue #9.

Now, THAT'S a story.

They don't make them like this anymore folks. This is comic book storytelling at its purest.  Great action, simple plot, mostly unambiguous characters (I can make a case for the Monster being a very compelling character that is more complex).  It's the age old tale of at least reasonably good versus certainly evil.  And the end result is the absolute death of a classic monster.  (who, of course, would later come back in endless other incarnations, because no matter how totally the Monster killed him, you can't kill Dracula, and that goes double in a Marvel Comic).  I'm not kidding when I say this is one of the best single-issue comics in my collection.

Next up, I start reading through my Gambit collection.  I remember liking it a lot for much of the run.  Let's hope it holds up...

EF is Back! The Triumphant Return!

EF is BACK!

Before I post any new content, let me say a few words about the Return of Electric Frankfurter.   If you don't follow us over on Facebook, shame on you, but you may be shocked to see a new post after two year's hiatus.  As previously indicated EF is, and always has been, a labor of love.  When our son Seamus McFly was born (yeah, you read that right), he took up a lot of our free time and EF became more labor than love, so it went on hiatus.

Now the boy is 2 and he's Mr. Independent most of the time, so that frees me up a bit more to pour some extra passion into sharing my hobbies and thoughts thereabout with you, the kind and caring public.

Of late I've been playing a lot of classic games thanks to my participation in the Atariage.com Atari 2600 High Score Club (which I highly recommend to all classic gamers!)  So you'll probably see me sharing a lot more thoughts on classic gaming.

I've also been playing a LOT of Minecraft on the XBOX360 so you can expect me to ramble on and on about that.

But most of all, and the thing that really brought me back to EF, was an ambitious project I started several months ago called the PURGE.  You see, I have a MASSIVE comic book collection.  And while there is much of it that is pure gold, there is also much that was bought out of habit more than true quality. So I have decided to read through the ENTIRE collection and find out what is in there that I truly enjoy and what I have simply because I bought it.  Hence, the PURGE.  What I found as I was reading thorough these collections, was that comic books have changed A LOT in the past 50 years and my appreciation has also changed with it.  I noticed that after reading the entire run of New Avengers that I could see a clear breaking point where the series "went bad." (It was Civil War, a common theme I am seeing in my collection).  I could also see where a strong writer really changed a series or character and the quality drop off when they left the book (John Byrne's FF and everything after until Heroes Return).  And naturally, because I am chatty, I wanted to share these insights.  There are some really greater writers and blogs over at CBR and I really enjoy reading their takes on classic and modern comics and I wanted to be a part of the conversation.  Make no mistake, I have no delusions of grandeur that I am CBR good or that I have the discipline to write a weekly piece for a website, but I do have my own little thing going in this shady corner of the internet and I figured why not flex those muscles again?

So here we are, the Rebirth of the Electric Frankfurter.  Still the place where I share my favorite things and my thoughts on them.  Still your place to be entertained and maybe educated about things you never knew existed!

iOS gamers, I still play Dragonvale (hello, Helen!), and the occasional other time waster, that I'm sure I'll ramble on about, but it's likely not going to be to the same extent as it once was.  That whole Mermaid World thing got kind of out of control and I need to dial it back a bit.

So if you are a long time fan, thanks for sticking around and/or coming back.  If you are a new, this is hopefully an exciting time to see all there is to see.  I'm not sure how often I'll have new, full blog entries, but there is more likely something new to see via the Facebook account every day or so.  And, as always, I love to have dialogue with you nice folks, so don't hesitate to chat me up via the comments sections here, or on Facebook (I honestly have no idea if the old email address for this still works, I think it might just be full of Applebee's coupons now...).  And if you like what you see, please share it with those you love.

Thanks!

Your Old Pal Stan

Aimee's BFF's Ultimate Star Trek Primer for People (Like Aimee's BFF) Who Don't Know Anything About Star Trek

My best friend recently saw Star Trek Into Darkness and loved it. Brace yourselves: this is a person who has seen no more than a handful of minutes of Star Trek anything. So, she approached me, Aimee, the big fat Star Trek nerd, and asked the question that we Star Trek fans are never asked.

"I don't know anything about this. Where do I start?"

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that people like me enjoy making lists about any obsessive interests we have, especially in the realm of comics, video games, or sci-fi. I collect knitting patterns, too, but no one asked me to make a list about knitting. Which is good, because I can't knit for beans, although I try. 

So below, you'll find the little write up I actually gave my BFF, with a few minor changes. It's probably rare to have an Electric Frankfurter reader who isn't familiar with Star Trek at all, but I had fun writing it, so you may have fun reading it. And for goodness' sake, what fan doesn't want to debate the merits of my list endlessly? I debated it for two days and I wrote it!

On the off chance that we have a reader (hi, dad!) and that reader doesn't know anything at all about the majesty that is Star Trek, maybe you'll find this helpful. But really, I doubt it. I don't know why I'm putting this up here. We need content, and I'm lazy. Read now:

The Ultimate Star Trek Primer for Aimee's Uninitiated Best Friend

The design of this primer is to guide you through the Star Trek universe in an easy-to-manage course that will afford you just enough understanding to tell if you might enjoy it, without also overwhelming you. The episodes selected include iconic episodes, typical episodes, essential episodes and personal favorites. Many amazing and many infamous episodes have been left off of this first course but can be found in the “further watching” list. 

Using a guide may be extremely helpful to you, as not every Star Trek episode is exactly, well, good. Some of the ones provided on your list are cheesy and some are very serious, but they are all fun. Star Trek fans know and appreciate that these are from the 1960s—it’s absolutely ok to find something unintentionally hilarious.

This is a real screenshot from “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” and it is absolutely ok to

think that this is absurd and amazing and in need of many captions.

Feel free after any phase has completed to drop out completely. Star Trek is immense and not for everyone, but intensely rewarding if you stick it out. And if you feel like you’d enjoy watching any part of it with experienced nerds, our door is always open (and we own all the movies.) And now, the lists.

1.       The Naked Time 

2.       Balance of Terror

3.       Space Seed

4.       A Taste of Armageddon

5.       The Devil in the Dark

6.       The City on the Edge of Forever

7.       Amok Time

8.       Mirror, Mirror

9.       Journey To Babel

10.   The Trouble with Tribbles

11.   Let That Be Your Last Battlefield

12.   The Mark of Gideon

If you are really into it, you may also want to take a look at the following episodes before moving on, but don’t feel obligated, you’ve seen enough to “get” anything that comes next.

1.       The Man Trap

2.       The Enemy Within

3.       Mudd’s Women

4.       What Are Little Girls Made Of?

5.       Miri

6.       The Conscience of the King

7.       The Squire of Gothos

8.       The Return of the Archons

9.       Alternative Factor

10.   Who Mourns for Adonis?

11.   A Private Little War

12.   Patterns of Force

13.   The Omega Glory

14.   Ultimate Computer

15.   Spectre of the Gun

16.   The Tholian Web

17.   The Savage Curtain

18.   All Our Yesterdays

Upon completing this list, it is the consensus of this team that you should proceed to the following movies in THIS ORDER:

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

After you have watched these movies, you may safely begin watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, in order, by season, if you wish. There are very few bad episodes and I regard this series as one of the finest sci-fi series ever made.

When/if you decide to finish Star Trek: The Next Generation, follow it up by watching Star Trek: First Contact.

After that, fill in gaps by watching the original series episodes that you skipped, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek: Generations, and Star Trek: Insurrection. If you’ve thoroughly devoured Star Trek in all forms listed, take a look at Deep Space 9.

DO NOT WATCH: Voyager, Enterprise, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, or Star Trek: Nemesis. At least not until you’ve become so well versed that you’d be comfortable picking them apart. These series and movies are just not very good at all and aren’t even that much fun to laugh at. No matter what anyone else tells you…these are NOT good. They just aren’t. No. No. No.

If you complete this list, you’ll know why this is one of George Takei’s favorite Star Trek memes. Stan and I can identify the episode from which this image was taken (out of context) and quote almost precisely what she’s saying here. Welcome to the club, we hope you enjoy.