The Top 30 Hardest NES Games Ever. Day 5

Kid Kool

Honestly, this game probably doesn't belong on the list any more than Defenders of Dynatron City, but I lobbied hard for this one in the voting process because there are elements of it, and particular levels, that make this game extraordinarily difficult.  I am thinking most specifically about some of the absolutely vicious feats of jumping the game asks you to perform, be it skipping across a lake like a stone or rebounding off trampolines across a bottomless chasm.  The are parts of this game that ask you to be so ridiculously precise that it is not unfathomable that only the most skilled, dedicated, or stupid have ever seen the end of this game. (does that double negative really work there, I mean "it is fathomable that only..." just seemed more awkward...)

For the record, I have beaten Kid Kool all of twice.  Once a few years ago, and once last year for this project.  The most recent accomplishment was done in four and half hours of nearly non-stop playing.  I say nearly because anyone who has played this game knows that you have to take occasional rage breaks (a common feature in this list) to prevent from destroying more financially significant aspects of your environment.  I would probably play Kid Kool a lot more except for one glaring problem, the game gets frustrating early and often.

For those who don't already know, Kid Kool is Vic Tokai's answer to Mario.  The main character is a hapless kid: a leather jacketed teen according to the label art or a dopey looking overall-wearing mort in the game, who must collect the seven magical herbs to save the King who has become ill.  To collect these herbs, Kid Kool must brave seven whimsically aggravating levels and deflate (not kidding) the seven bosses that await him.  Your only weapon is a small fuzzy creature (think tribble with eyes and legs) that pops out of the grass and mounts on your shoulder.  You can lob this little monster at the other monsters and he will knock them off the screen and rebound back to your shoulder.  If you lose the monster by taking a hit, then you will be forced to pound your foes into the dirt with your feet.  Using the monster is easier and safer.  There are power-ups and perils just like any other platformer of this type.  At the end of each level is a most unusual boss battle wherein you do little actually battling with your adversary.  Instead, to defeat them, you must mash down on what looks to be an air pump until the foe has been vanquished.  (Don't look at me like that, it's inexplicable, but true!) This makes the boss fights an almost welcome respite from the otherwise devious platforming it takes to get to them. 
And I am not even kidding.  Once you hit level three, all bets are off.  The game throws absolutely unfair combinations of enemies, jumps, and obstacles at you in rapid succession.  The control mechanics are not your friend either.  In order to make long jumps you must get a running start, yet there are many places where there simply isn't a lot of room to build up speed.  The game screen is technically two screens high, but if you jump up or fall down a screen, then game stops, scrolls the screen, then resumes the action.  This causes a lot of problems establishing a fluidity of motion in the executing the precise maneuvers they want you to perform.
The end result is mounting frustration and a desperate need of your endless continues.  You need the continues because you may be doing several levels or parts of levels many, many times to get past them, and once past them you'll not turn your NES off until the game has been beaten because you never, ever want to have to do that again.  The frustration will come when you finally breach a certain area that you have been trying to get right for the past half hour, only to die immediately in the next tough section and have to do both again.

All of the above being said, the game can be beaten and the unlimited continues mean you have plenty of time to get it right.  Part of the game play is a countdown timer that represents how much time the King has before he succumbs to his malady, but that timer is an idle threat.  You have more than enough game time to take the game out, no matter how many times you have to make a run at a certain level.  Kid Kool makes this list because of its insidious level design and high level of frustration.  Many people will get fed up before they beat this game, making it hard enough to be in the Top 30 (29 really).

The Top 30 Hardest NES Games Ever. Day 4

The Adventure of Bayou Billy

As a kid this game was, to my limited mind, a Backwoods Double Dragon clone.  I think this perception wass based mainly on the fact that I never got much farther than level 2, a testimony to this game's difficulty. (To be fair, as a kid, I also didn't know "Cajun" from "Kiwi" so to me, Bayou Billy could have just as easily been Crocodile Dundee...)  As an adult, I put more time and effort into exploring the game's depth and discovered that it was, in fact, far more than just a hillbilly martial arts game.

The Adventures of Bayou Billy is actually a fairly deep, multi-faceted adventure game combining many different game play elements into a rollicking ride that, in all honesty, turns out to be one of the most fulfilling NES experiences I think you will find.  The game is a perfect blend of martial arts platforming, first person shooting, and something like Hang-On in a rickety truck.  Before it is all over you'll fight alligators bare-fisted, dodge bomb dropping helicopters, and have a shoot out or two in the French Quarter.
Individually, I can't really say the levels are particularly hard, although the later levels on Bourbon Street and the Estate are pretty intense, however the sum total of all of the levels combined creates for a truly challenging experience.  I think some of the difficulty comes from switching formats and adjusting to the new challenges.  The martial arts platforming is pretty tough until you master a few successful strategies (I recommend the old "kick and run" made famous in Double Dragon for the 2600).  You will most likely play these levels several times over until you get the hang of it.  The first person shooter levels aren't particularly hard, but they do feature some tight spots that want you to be very accurate and very quick on the draw.  Finding the secret power-ups on these levels are the key to success.  The driving levels are maybe the toughest of the lot, but only because they require fast reflexes and a good memory.  Once you learn the course and can anticipate the dangers you can maneuver them with skill.  The greatest challenges come, appropriately enough, in the final levels in the French Quarter and on the Estate.  The enemies start carrying far more potent weapons (but if you can snag a whip, you have a much better chance) and they hit much harder.  The last two boss fights are exercises in patience more than skill, mainly because if the bosses get a hold of you, you are toast.  You'll do a lot of running away to survive, but tough it out long enough and you will emerge victorious.

That's right, that fancy Declaration of Independence all you Americans are so proud of, was signed by a guy named Button.  Button, honest to God.

Limited continues and few extra lives mean you'll have plenty of opportunity to learn the early levels inside and out; it also means that you'll spend plenty of time making slow, but eventual progress toward the end of the game.  The good news is the game features just the right balance of challenge and fun to ensure that you'll get a little farther each time and eventually beat the game without becoming so enraged that you want to destroy personal property (those games are on the list, just higher up).  It only takes a couple of hours to beat the game, but you'll invest far more time than that learning how to do it. 

The Adventures of Bayou Billy is a highly underrated gem in the NES library and it makes the list here because it takes some time to beat and is just hard enough that you'll not knock it out on your first couple of playthroughs.  

The Top 30 Hardest NES Games Ever. Day 3

Abadox

Before this project, I had never played Abadox before.  I had seen the screenshots in gaming magazines, I had passed over the silvery MB cartridge in countless second hand stores, but for whatever reason I never picked it up.  Little did I realize it would potentially be one of the NES's hardest games, or at least kind of.

Abadox is mind-numbing hard right from the get-go.  A pure scrolling space shooter with tough-as-nails levels and a barrage of enemies, Abadox punches you in the face in the first level and doesn't let up.  As a matter of fact, in your first few forays into the belly of the beast (literally), you are probably going to die quick deaths and they are going to feel cheap.  Do not despair!  While the game has a vicious learning curve, there are two things working in your favor: the game is incredibly short and you have unlimited continues.  Furthermore, there are checkpoints in each level that will prevent frustration from building too much, because you are going to die a lot.  And the worst part of dying, like most all shooters of this kind, is that you are going to lose any power-ups you have acquired.  The severity of this is compounded by the fact that you desperately need those power-ups to complete the game.

However, if you take your time, learn the levels and the locations of the power-ups, and do not get overly frustrated with the intense level design, you can wrap this game up in a few hours.  Having never played it before and going into it completely cold, I was able to reach the end of Abadox in about 3 hours.  The unlimited continues mean you never have to start all over again to make a run.  The brevity of the game means you don't need to settle in for a six hour marathon just to take it down.  You will need patience because you will die many many times, but if you take your time and scroll through the levels slowly taking note of enemy placement and power-up locations, you can make short work of this game.

In terms of being fun, though, I am glad I finally had cause to add this game to my collection.  Abadox is a great game ideally suited for short gaming sessions or playing for score (gasp! people still do such a thing?)  However, it ends up on the bottom of our list here because it has a ferocious bark, but very little bite.  But don't take my word for it...

George Ross (as if you needed me to tell you that...)

The Top 30 Hardest NES Games Ever. Day 2

Defenders of Dynatron City

To be perfectly honest with you, I have no idea how this game made the list to begin with. I think it was a case of "we need another game for the list" combined with "I don't know too much about this game, but the few times I've played it, it was pretty tough."
In all fairness, Defenders of Dynatron City isn't a bad game at all, it's just not a very difficult game to beat. DoDC is basically an adventure platforming game where you control a ragtag group of rather ridiculous robot super-heroes who must defend their city from an invasion of evil robots.  To stop the invasion, you must scour the city taking out all of the evil robots and picking up superchargers to boost your power.  The final showdown with Dr. Mayhem, the mastermind behind the evil robots, takes place in the sewer, where you will have to take down evil dopplegangers of your heroes in order to reach the mad scientist!  Topple Dr. Mayhem and the city will be safe!

The game consists of three levels, the first one being a pretty large city with buildings to explore and lots of enemies to defeat.  The second level is more straightforward and the enemies get tougher.  The real challenge of this game, however is taking down the evil robot doubles.  Their attacks are very strong and they can drain your heroes fast.  The key to defeating them is choosing the right hero to use, ala Mega Man.  Find the right antithesis to the robot dupe you are up against and they are easier to defeat.  Same thing for Dr.Mayhem, who reminds me a lot of Dr. Wily.

The characters who shoot are the best for taking out the robots in the city.

A time limit and no continues makes the game a little bit tougher, but really only impacts the first level in the city where you have the freedom to roam, get lost, and waste time.  Once you learn the layout of the town, you can locate the items you need, find additional heroes to join the cause, and rid the city of robots in pretty good time.  Staying alive in the mall level can be tough as the dinosaur robots are ferocious, but once you learn their attacks you can literally run circles around them.  The showdown with Atom Ed wants a similar strategy.
Defenders of Dynatron City is a harder game for the NES, but certainly not a hard game by any stretch.  I probably spent  two or three hours learning my way around, figuring out favorite heroes (Buzzsaw Girl and Ms. Megawatt, or any shooting character), and learning which heroes take out which dopplegangers.  The game itself only takes about an hour and a half to beat, probably less if you are really pushing a speed run.  To my mind it makes this list only by accident and could easily be replaced by something that is more challenging like Star Wars, that game is tough (but beatable)!

The Top 30 Hardest NES Games Ever. Day 1

You heard me.  For the entire month of July, I am going to be counting down the top 30 (29 actually) hardest NES games ever played.

Says who?

Glad you asked.  Over a year ago over at NintendoAge it was proposed that a list be made of the NES games that were the hardest to beat.  Through many a discussion, it was decided that a user poll would determine the top 30 most difficult NES games, then from that pool of 30 games an elite band of video game players (volunteers with lots of free time, what are the chances?) would devote a minimum of 5 hours to playing each game on the list and from that develop a ranking of those 30 games.  These lists would be pooled and a definitive list would finally show the world just how the hardest NES games stacked up.

Time passed.  The elite band lost members, the real world got in the way of progress and the project ground to a crawl.  Being the overachiever, I completed my list in about 4 months.  I was hoping the project would wrap by Christmas and I could publish my personal list here for the world to see and jeer.  After a year had passed, I went back to the members of the elite team and asked if it would be ok for me to go ahead and publish my list.  It was the general consensus among the remaining active members that my doing so would have little impact on the project assuming it went forward (I think they had an idea about how many people actual read my blog...), and that I was free to go ahead.

So, in the interest of giving you people a summer time treat, and me getting to finally geek out about this list (I've been really excited), I present to you the Hot and Heavy, Top 30 (29 really) Hardest NES games.

Maybe one of these games is the hardest NES game to beat?

The first real question we have to answer, before we can start revealing this list, is how do you determine what makes a game hard to beat?  There are really only two criteria:  the game must have a definite ending and it must be extraordinarily hard to reach it.  Why it is so hard to reach could be a factor of level design, enemy strength, learning patterns, solving puzzles, reflex requirements, and so on.
In the interest of keeping things fair, our elite group decided to level the playing field by only admitting games that could be played with the standard NES controller.  We excluded light gun games, ROB games, Power Glove games, Power Pad games, and Arkanoid (because of that damn Vaus controller), because part of the challenge of playing those games was inherent in mastering the persnickety (yeah I said persnickety AND the spell checker knew what it was!) controller, and that alone could make some games nearly impossible.  So all of the games on this list will be games that can be played with a standard NES game pad.
The only other caveat was that you could not use any "cheats" to defeat the game.  "Cheats" were defined as any tricks or exploits that were not explicitly stated in the games instruction manual.  So no Konami Code for Contra, no level select on Solomon's Key, and no ABBA codes on Ikari Warriors.  You get the idea. This doesn't rule out strategies that you could develop through game play, but it did rule out things like the pause exploit that kills many of the bosses in Blaster Master.  So if you couldn't learn it from the instruction manual, you could not use it.

That bring us to the first entry in this list: the honorable mentions.  This slot exists because it took us a very long time to determine that Arkanoid was simply impossible to beat with a standard controller (more below), so our list of 30 shrunk to 29.  I am using the 30th slot to mention two games that are virtually impossible, but do not make the cut because of their need for additional equipment.
The first game is the aforementioned Arkanoid.  This game is basically Breakout on steroids.  Arkanoid is just mean. There are a finite number of levels and that number is actually surprisingly low: 33, but getting farther than 18 pretty much requires god reflexes.  I played this game for far more than the allotted 5 hours and broke level 16 twice.  The standard controller is good until about level 13.  After that it simply cannot respond fast enough to keep the ball in play.  The Vaus controller is a must if you are going to play in the upper 20's and even then there is no promise of consistent success.  If you are lucky you can warp up by catching the warp power-up, but you cannot count on it as a road to victory.  The action is fast, the level design is insidious and the challenge is brutal.  Had this game stayed in the list, it would be top 5 material, easy.

The second honorable mention game is Gumshoe.  Most light gun games are quirky and fun or just dull, but Gumshoe is something all its own.  Similar to Crossbow, your hero walks lemmingly (pay me if you are going to use that one...) across the screen to apprehend a wanted criminal.  It is your job to protect him by shooting at oncoming attackers, cars, bottles, and other various threats.  You must also make him jump over obstacles and pits by, get this, shooting his feet!  If he grabs a balloon you'll get more bullets to keep the adventure going.  And you have to do all of this with the NES light gun.  That's right.  As veterans of Wild Gunman and Duck Hunt can attest, the NES Zapper ain't exactly a sniper rifle.  Accuracy is a function of blind luck at best, random chaos at the worst.  Either way, hitting your target consistently is 85% of the challenge in this game. And with so many enemies to shoot, plus trying to keep the mighty detective from plummeting to his doom or touching other deadly obstacles, you are going to need to be ridiculously accurate.  To that point, I never cleared level one.  I kept getting further, so I think eventually, if you stand right up next the to the TV screen and shoot a lot, you can eventually beat this game, but it really shouldn't be that hard.  Damn shame too, the concept is unique and fun.  I wish the controls were better.  I could definitely see playing this game a lot more.

Gumshoe and Arkanoid are two games that belong on any list of difficult NES games. They don't qualify for my list because of the controller restrictions, but rest assured they are tough customers!  As for the rest of the project, come back every day this month as I count down a different ball-busting NES game as we work our way toward the absolute most beat-your-face-in-the-dirt, hate-your-grandmother, kill-kitties-for-fun game in the NES library.  And I can already tell you, spending 5 hours with that game drove me to the point of primordial rage (not the dinosaur fighting game, real rage, you nerd).

See you every day this month, what else have you got to do?

12 Months, Sixty Dollars and a GBA: June

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004
EA Sports (it's in the game...)

So how well does a 7 year old handheld port of a golf game hold up anyway?  Answer:  Incredibly well.  Unlike so many other sports games that are dependent upon a certain roster of players on specific teams, golf video games age pretty well.  Don't believe me?  Go back and play Mario Golf 64, or even further back and play NES Open.  Those games are just as fun today as they were way back when.  And why?  Because golf games are really only dated by two major things: course design and player interface.  Course design is more a function of graphics capability and execution (whether or not a water hazard looks like a water hazard and whether or not the system can recognize it as such) and it is constantly improving with every new generation of system.  Player interface is the same way. The Wii pretty much revolutionized golf gaming with its motion controllers making golf on the Wii about as close to real golf as you and get without goofy pants and a fat ass (thank you Happy Gilmore).  But through the years, the greatness of a golf game was largely a function of the swing interface and your options at the tee.  PC games stayed far ahead of the pack until the last couple of generations of console systems (some of which are just overpriced PC's anyway...)  As long as these two features are solid, a golf game can survive indefinitely.


That is a really long way to go about saying, Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 for the GBA advance is one hell of a golf game, even 7 years later.  The course layouts are solid, if occasionally repetitive (looking at you Bay Hill with your sand trap in front of every green), the pin locations are vicious at the higher difficulty levels, the game controls are unusual, but not impossible, and the difficulty ramps well.

I am a video game golf pro.  I freaking rock.  Just check this score out.

Pretty sick ain't it.  Yeah, you see Tiger's sorry ass down there 9 strokes behind.  That is because I rock.  So when I tell you this game is fun, you have to know I am telling you the truth, Ruth.

Asinine bravado aside, this game is a lot of fun.  However, there were two really big hurdles for me to overcome in getting into this game.  The first was the swing control. I am used to a conventional swing meter which must be stopped twice, once for power and the other for accuracy.   Fairly standard stuff.  But TW2004 introduced me to a totally different swing control.  I'm not sure if this is how the other golf games for the GBA work, but there is no swing meter. Instead, you control your swing by first pressing UP on the d-pad and then DOWN to swing. You determine your swing by the time spent pressing UP (if you hold too long you lose power) and then down to make contact.  Power, fade or slice, can all be added during the backswing with the shoulder buttons or by taking a diagonal on the d-pad.  Spin is added once the ball is in the air.  Once you get used to it, you have pretty good control on the ball and can work it with pretty solid accuracy.

The other hurdle was elevation.  The course mapping isn't the best at showing elevation and thus you can be aiming right into the side of a hill on the overhead map and not realize it until you get back to the swing screen.  There is an elevation indicator, but judging elevation is better done by eye than by numbers.
Putting is mega easy with a laser line indicator of where your ball will travel that even adjusts for break and slope.  They even auto-putt gimmes just to save you time and the occasionally thrown GBA.  And if you really need a challenge, there just so happen to be Trophy Balls that you can earn for particular achievements.  Some are easily obtained and some will require a lot of practice and skill building before you can add them to your wall of honor.

If there are any complaints they are small.  The biggest one is the wind, which always blows right to left and has intermittent effects on game play.  Accounting for wind is a risky venture and unless it is really strong you are more often better off just playing your game.  Other quibbles include not being able to view each hole completely beyond the reach of your aim and occasional course hiccups particularly around water hazards.

All in all, though, the game is solid and ends up being a great golf game for the GBA.  I don't think age is a real factor when it comes to golf games and Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 proves that. Unless you are just really hoping to play a few rounds with golf legend Bobby Jones, having the actual golfers in the game (if there are any) aren't really that big of a deal.  To me the Tiger Woods name is more there to sell games than to make me feel like I'm really playing alongside an adulterous 9-iron dodger...

STEAL ALERT!

The best news of all, since this is a sports game, chances are good you can find it tossed in the discount bin alongside NBA Jam and Madden 2001 for less than the $5 I paid.  One thing is for sure, if you are a video game golfer like me, then you are getting a steal!

A Closer Look at the Legend of Zelda: Outlands

Only recently have I been enlightened to the fact that there is and has been a thriving homebrew and hack community within the world of the NES.  Long time readers know that I am a huge booster for the Atari 2600 homebrew community, so naturally, the news that the NES also enjoyed such treatment piqued my interest.  Of particular buzz is a hack that everyone hails as a masterpiece: The Legend of Zelda: Outlands.

Lauded as the natural successor to the Adventure of Link (and probably taking place somwhere around the time of Link's Awakening), Outlands takes place in the wilds that exist outside the kingdom of Hyrule.  Link has ended up there, bereft of his weapons and tools, following Zelda who had entered a portal that is the only way into or out of the Outlands.  It seems this strange territory is in terrible jeopardy.  The Thunderbird, denizen of the Great Palace in Adventure of Link, has escaped his defeat at Link's hand and has stolen the Triforce of Power!  The Thunderbird is now threatening the relative peace of the Outlands from his hidden stronghold.  Link's mission is to seek out the 8 Tetrarch Fairies, unbind the spell that seals the Thunderbird's fortress and take back the Triforce of Power.  It's not going to be easy, though.  Things in the Outlands are quite different from things in Hyrule and Link must search far and wide if he is to recover his possessions and free the Tetrarch Fairies.

EGADS!!!

LoZ: Outlands is a comprehensive hack of the original Legend of Zelda.  Pretty much everything you know has been changed.  The world map is completely different, the locations of all items, enemies and labyrinths have been changed.  Enemy, NPC, and item sprites have been given an update as well as aspects of the scenery.  The core gameplay is the same: find 8 items and a special weapon, enter the final dungeon and defeat the boss.  The structure of the adventure that accomplishes this, however, has been rather radically altered.  The biggest question, in my mind anyway when I first heard of Outlands, is: has the game been changed significantly enough to make this more than just a new coat of paint on an old horse? (and why are we painting a horse in the first place?)

Overall, I think the answer is "yes."  The hack does many, many wonderful things to create a whole new world and adventure for our friend Link.  However, there are a few areas where the hack falls short of perfection.  It is the purpose of this Closer Look to highlight the many things that LoZ: Outlands does right, and to analyze those places where it misses the mark.  As always, I am coming at this from a fairly neutral perspective.  I have a deep seated love for the original Legend of Zelda and the entire Zelda series and mythos.  I go into this game with only the knowledge provided in the exceptional instruction manual and the overwhelmingly positive buzz that has surrounded the hack in the ten years (!) since its creation.  As this is clearly the labor of love of a member of the classic gaming community, I would like to close this introduction with a hearty and heartfelt appreciation for the time and temerity that it took to make this hack.  Your hard work is greatly respected.

What the Hack Gets Right

We'll start off with the things that Outlands gets right, and there are so many cool things that this hack knocks clean out of the park.

Bagu, you say?

 Retro-fitting  If you took a big fat bucket of charm and dumped it all over this game, the label on that bucket would read "retro-fitting."  I have no idea what that means, but perhaps the most striking thing about this hack is how successfully the programmer has taken beloved aspects of subsequent Zelda offerings and integrated them in the confines of the original LoZ.  Small touches like boulders which now resemble the liftable stones from Link to the Past and the inclusion of handy gloves and ocarinas are just the tip of the iceberg.  The Outlands are populated by familiar faces such as the Gerudo and Gorons which add a layer of depth that the original LoZ only hinted at with its occasional merchant or old lady living in caves.  Of course, at that time the legendary races that populate the Zelda universe were yet to be invented (with perhaps the exclusion of the Zora or Zola...), and it is only through the magic of retro-fitting that these peoples can now take up residence in the 8-bit world.  Furthermore, the labyrinths have been given the themes and colors of what are now classic dungeon types first made famous in Ocarina of Time.  In seeking out the Tetrarch Fairies, you'll plunder a Water Labyrinth, Desert Labyrinth, Spirit Labyrinth, Forest Labyrinth, and so on.  All very cool touches that somehow reach forward in time and give the Zelda fan a twinge of nostalgia.  Another nice touch is that the programmer didn't feel the need to include everything from future Zelda stories, but just enough to firmly plant Outlands into the mythos.  Outlands is worth playing just to ferret out of all these nice touches.

The Desert Temple

Bring a ladder to the Water Temple!

Fairy by the waterfall, very cool!

Map Revision  You may have memorized the old Hyrule map backwards and forwards, for both quests, but you can throw all of that out the window.  The geography of the Outlands is radically different from the Hyrule you know.  Oh sure, there are still bushes to burn and rocks to shove around, but the layout of the land is like nothing you have seen.  As a matter of fact, when the game opens you'll only have access to about 30% of the total world, unlike in LoZ where you can pretty much go everywhere right from the start. (more on this aspect of the topography in a minute).  In the redesign there is a closer attention to creating distinct areas of the Outlands.  There is an icy maze of crystal, a shadowy desert, and foreboding red mountains to explore along with the usual assortment of forests, graveyards, and bodies of water.  As icing on the cake, the landscape is peppered with fairy statues.  The hack really excels at taking the familiar terrain of old Hyrule and turning it into its own land. The Labyrinths have also undergone some nice improvements.  The are basic cosmetic changes to the walls and doorways, but there are more substantial changes to the placement of objects and obstacles in rooms that make the labyrinths feel very fresh.


New Enemies  As part of the retro-fitting, there are many new, yet familiar foes to do battle with in the Outlands.  You'll recognize classic LoZ enemies like Goriyas and Wizzrobes, but you'll also see enemies from other games like bots and lowders from AoL.  As an added touch, all of the bosses have been given a face-lift as well.  Giant Stalfos that shoot magic, huge cycloptic blobs that ooze across the floor, and a Wizzrobe Master that is a dead-ringer for the evil Magician Carock from AoL all await you.  Bear in mind that this is merely a hack, so the key to defeating these bosses are exactly the same as their LoZ counterparts, but that doesn't make seeing them for the first time any less exciting!

New Formula The original LoZ was wide open at the same time that it was straight forward.  On the one hand, you could roam the entire world and see just about everything; on the other, the item you found in one labyrinth often played into some aspect of the next.  Outlands eschews that formula for something a little less linear while opening larger sections of the world as the game progresses.  Not every labyrinth contains a new item or tool.  Some labyrinths have more than one heart container and you don't always find them in the wake of defeating a boss.  The captured Tetrarch Fairies are sometimes right inside the door of the labyrinth and sometimes hidden in rooms not even located on the map.  While some things operate the same, trade Bagu's note for the ability to buy medicine, you'll not get everything the way you did in LoZ; you'll have to buy the white sword from a Goron salesman instead of earning it with heart containers. Expect trickery from the get-go and don't assume that the thing you need is waiting for you around the next bend.  Case in point, you'll not be able to complete the first labyrinth without finding a hidden item in the third that lets you get an item from the second which in turn grants you access to the fourth wherein you can find the weapon that will allow you to complete the first. Oh, and you'll not find the wooden sword until you locate and venture into the first labyrinth to even the game started!  This new formula makes a great challenge and gives a fresh take on an old adventure.  (that said, it's not all roses and birthday cake, as you'll see in the next section)

Zelda is along for the adventure and appears in the labyrinths to give you important items and information!

Innovation Finally, perhaps the most impressive aspect of LoZ: Outlands are the innovations added by the programmer.  I know I said earlier that this was a hack, but somehow the programmer managed to sneak in a few new tricks.  The biggest and most influential new feature is the use of one-way passages. These passages come in a couple of shapes and sizes, the least of which are rock walls that Link can pass through in one direction, but not the other.  The flashier passages come at the hands of devilish wizzrobes who can either transport Link to just the right place or exactly where he doesn't want to be.  Learning these passages will be essential to success in your quest and will open the game up in very new and exciting ways.  Innovations like this in a hack are very welcome surprises!

And now, the other shoe...

Where the Hack Misses the Mark

This is a very, very ugly place to be

Difficulty  My first real problem with Outlands is that the difficulty never seems to ramp.  Unlike the original LoZ, in which the enemies became more powerful as you explored the far reaches of the world, and the dungeons more treacherous as you gathered more and more Triforce, Outlands' difficulty peaks right at the very beginning and has no where to go after that.  You start the game with no offensive capability and must explore a good portion of the available world in order to locate the first labyrinth and therein, the wooden sword. This wandering results in lots of early deaths at the arrows and stones of the overland foes and is unnecessarily difficult.  On the reverse, once the white sword is obtained and the fourth labyrinth is breached, the difficulty actually drops off considerably, only seeing a slight resurgence in the final two labyrinths.  There has been an effort to overload many of the screens with a wealth of enemies, but this lends more to the annoyance factor than the difficulty.  There are certain choke points in the game that are maddening early on, like the coast line with the dock, that become pedestrian after a few necessary items are acquired; with the ladder it can be bypassed entirely.  The wizzrobes that inhabit Ganon's Mountains are plentiful and annoying, but not as terribly troublesome when you approach with the Goron shield and red tunic.
The biggest problem with this imbalance of difficulty is that it kills the fun factor very quickly for the player, even a seasoned Zelda fan like myself.  I don't want to wander around and be killed ten times just trying to find my damn sword.  It gets old fast. I have heard tell the second quest multiplies the difficulty exponentially.  If this be the case, I would hope for better balance in it (and more on this to come).

Change for Change's Sake is not always a Good Thing  For all of the delightful graphic changes that make this game so very special, there are also some changes that simply do not make sense and create discord in an otherwise respectful re-imagining.  What is the thought behind exchanging Keese for Peahats?  Is there logic in Like-Likes that split into Dark Fairies or Pols Voice that divide into Peahats? These changes are not only unusual, but are in defiance of standards set forth by the Zelda Universe.   Peahats are generally regarded as giant creatures that require all of outdoors to soar the sky, only to be attacked when they land.  They do not fit in the underground, despite the programmer's attempt to explain this away in the manual.  And there is absolutely no sense in the idea that a Pols Voice would split into two peahats!  The hacked Like-Likes, called "Unlike-Likes" do not leech unto Link and steal his shield (that honor is now bestowed upon the red Zols), but instead split meekly into dark fairies (which are cool new enemies, but make little sense to be contained within the purple pancake monsters).  There is nothing in the Zelda mythos that reconciles these madcap changes. Furthermore, smaller changes also don't make much good sense either.  There is needless swapping of sprites in the case of deelers for octoroks and octorocks (AoL versions) for river Zolas.  These small swaps seem inconsequential, but if so, then why make them?  I would much rather see land-based octoroks and some new sea creature plaguing me from the water's edge, than to see these throwaway alterations.  Another senseless swap is the exchange of Wizzrobes and Lynels.  Not so much for the placement of either, but for the haphazard nature of the swap.  The programmer thus far has shown absolute brilliance in his ability to alter the game's mechanics to his will, yet this change lacks any depth and the result is a curious betrayal of characterization.  Are we to believe that because the wizzrobes now roam the surface, they can no longer become immaterial and skulk through the scenery as they did in the labyrinths?  Perhaps it is the sunlight that does them in? And have they forsaken their deadly magical rays for mystic bolts shaped like daggers?  To what end?  Likewise, the Lynels, by virtue of being underground have suddenly revealed the ability to traverse walls and blast Link with devastating spells?  I don't see a problem bringing the wizzrobes into the light or casting the Lynels into the pit, but why not take a few extra pains to make the exchange complete and keep both races in the manner to which they are known?  Or even better still, to grant them new Outland abilities that do more than simply juxtapose those well known in Hyrule?  If the full change could not be accomplished, then perhaps it would have been best to leave things as they were. A similar case can be made for the Wall Masters who have also been relocated to the overworld and have taken on the behavior of ghinis.  This problem is compounded by the fact that there seems to be no way to actually destroy the Wall Masters that are generated from touching the gravestones.  This makes travel in the Graveyard of Serenity a chore.  (on the reverse, the substitution of the new enemy Cages for the subterranean Wall Masters is exceptionally well done, if entirely underused).  I wouldn't have minded seeing a few ghinis in the labyrinths...

With so many amazing graphic enhancements in Outlands, these aberrations are confusing and disappointing.  The programmer has demonstrated a loving appreciation for the Zelda mythos and extraordinary attention to detail, but these maligned changes seem needless and incomplete.

Yes, but where is level 6??!!

If You're Going to Kiss Me, Do It  Given the challenge of the game, the programmer does throw a few bread crumbs to ease the burden of locating the well hidden secrets of the Outlands.  In the first four labyrinths, Zelda will appear and provide a valuable clue as to the location of the next labyrinth's entrance.  These clues are often just telling enough to point you in the right direction without plainly telling you where the entrance is.  And then, after completing the fourth labyrinth, it is over. You'll get absolutely no help whatsover finding the entrance to the sixth or seventh labyrinth.  None.  As a matter of fact, the sixth labyrinth is so contemptuously tucked away in a forgotten corner of the overworld that I nearly deserted the game over its discovery.  I cannot discern the motivation to lead the player so far along and then simply turn them out on their own when the quest is in full swing.  Thankfully, the clues resume in the seventh labyrinth, but by then it is probably too late as the search for the previous two labyrinths has most likely uncovered the entrances to the final two.  I really like the inclusion of the clues, but their sudden disappearance mid-quest seems cruel and unnecessary.  The result is a lot of time spent endlessly wandering the countryside, burning every bush, bombing every wall, and pushing every stone.  While the original LoZ featured some of this, I never had that much trouble finding the essential stuff. (I admit there may be clues in Labyrinths 5 and 6, but I scoured them pretty completely and found nothing.)

This is the entrance to the 6th Labyrinth.  Screw you Outlands!

Brave New World, What You Can See of It  As I mentioned earlier, when the game begins you only have access to about 30% of the entire overworld.  Certain areas can only be accessed once the raft or ladder have been obtained and that takes a while.  The result is a world that is very confining early on.  There is a real sense of accomplishment once you are able to open the world up a bit, but the difference is jarring when you are used to the original LoZ where the entire world is yours to explore.  This is a minor quibble, but when coupled with the difficulty disparity mentioned above it makes your first few hours in the Outlands a touch frustrating.

Labyrinths, I Hardly Knew Ye  In the section above I praised the face-lift given to the labyrinths in terms of their appearance and the smart use of retro-fitting, however there is one area in which the newly revamped labyrinths fall short of their well designed predecessors.  The labyrinths in the original LoZ's first quest were all shaped like animals or other recognizable shapes.  The second quest's labyrinths spelled out "ZELDA" and then got nasty.  In Outlands, most of the labyrinths aren't shaped like anything in particular, and many of them look like the skeletal remains of labyrinths from the original. (looking at you Dragon labyrinth that shows up again as Level 4...).  Again, for a hack that changes so many great things so completely, to leave this kind of detail unfinished is disappointing and unexpected.  This might seem like a small nit to pick, but if you got the most incredible ice cream sundae and there was no whipped cream, I think you'd feel a little let down (you can have that damned cherry, I have no use for it).

Final Look

Anyone who truly loves The Legend of Zelda, will find LoZ: Outlands a well-crafted re-imaging of the classic adventure.  Great pains have been taken to shape the clay that molded the original game and transform it into something very fresh and new.  The greatest delight is found in the exceptional retro-fitting and innovations that enhance the basic game engine.  The challenge level is greatly improved and is on par with the difficulty found in the original game's Second Quest.  The hack is not quite perfect, but the troublesome elements would only turn off those not intimately acquainted with the original game, and those people are clearly not the target audience for this hack.  Seasoned Zelda players will tough out the imperfections and be rewarded with a gaming experience that both invokes nostalgia and introduces new levels of challenge. I played The Legend of Zelda: Outlands on an emulator, but it is available on cartridge as well and I hope to one day acquire it for my collection and so that I may tackle it the way it is meant to be played, on the actual hardware.  After all, I never found the Master Sword or Book of Mudora in my first outing.  And I made a stab at the second quest, but got so annoyed because the second go round feels like it has been made overly difficult for difficulty's sake alone.  I get the challenge of scouring 4 labyrinths armed with nothing just to find the wooden sword, I appreciate just how hard it is to defeat a four-headed Gleeok with only a wooden sword and the green tunic, but there is only so much repeated beating you can take before all of that loses its charm.  I like a challenge, but I also like to have fun. Maybe having the game on cartridge will inspire me further...

You have to admit, that Thunderbird looks cool in the final Labyrinth!

(please note, some images in this article have been taken from the Instruction Manual provided with the download of the hack and credit for them goes to the original programmer)

12 Months, Sixty Dollars and a GBA: May

F-Zero: Maximum Velocity
from Nintendo

I love F-Zero.  The N64 version is probably my favorite, but the franchise as a whole provides one of the best, turbo-charged racing games you will ever play. So when I was at Too Many Games earlier this month and saw the GBA F-Zero for only $4, May's installment of 12/60/1 was a no-brainer. (Apologies MUST HAVE Music and More, I'll be back in June...)  Little did I realize just what I was in for.

F-Zero: Maximum Velocity for the GBA is TOUGH.  I mean, I've played my fair share of F-Zero and still this game kicked my butt, repeatedly.  For the shameful record, I never completed the Pawn circuit on Beginner as of writing this article and it was not for the lack of trying.  However, I'm not sure that my difficulties were with in the game, I think it has more to do with the inherent learning curve that is associated with these kinds of games.  Simply put, you have to learn the tracks and race them repeatedly to master the game.  I know this because I have pretty much mastered the first track and now win it while lapping all of the other cars. Given the busy month I've had, I wasn't able to devote the kind of time it requires, but rest assured, I will, because while the game is hard it is also fun.
I'm also not entirely sure that I'm not having trouble with the controls on the GBA:SP I am using.  The shoulder buttons either activate the booster or the brake depending on how you set it up.  Unfortunately, I was unable to settle on a configuration that really fit my play.  So part of my difficulty could merely be in getting comfortable with the controls.

But none of that takes away from the fact that F-Zero: MV  is a lot of fun.  It's everything that is great about F-Zero, only it goes with you.  And the fact that I was able to find it for under $5 means, that you don't have to break the bank just to enjoy a great racing game on the go!  The graphics are solid, the sound is decent, but the game play is pretty much spot on.  If you can find F-Zero:MV for under $5 I strongly recommend you snag it.  Heck if you can find it for $10, you should still snag it.

Too Many Games 11

Dateline: Philadelphia PA
May 6-8, 2011

The Greater Philadelphia Convention Center was packed to the rafters with gamers, nerds, internet celebrities and pretty much everything you'll never find at the cool kid's house.  The reason: The 11th installment of Too Many Games Classic and Modern Video Game Convention and Expo.  For the last several years, the awesome organizers at Too Many Games have been putting together what is becoming the East Coast's premier video game show, creating a much needed replacement for the once heralded PhillyClassic that self-destructed in the mid-aughts (that's between 2000-2009 for you youngsters out there).

Too Many Games is celebration of all things video games and this year's show was a prime example of that philosophy.  In what is to my knowledge their largest venue ever, TMG filled the expanse of two convention halls and a couple of ancillary rooms in the convention center.  I'll break it down in greater detail later, but to summarize, one hall was dedicated to LAN gaming (which went around the clock) and free play consoles, the other hall was filled with vendors swapping all kinds of video games and video game paraphernalia.(much more on this later).  The smaller rooms were bustling with video game themed bands and a wide variety of panels and seminars on topics ranging from how to make your own game to video games as art.  There was even a concession stand right there on site. Regular convention goers will understand the significance of this.  The only thing really missing was a stand of arcade machines set on free play.  Had that been there, the scene would have been complete.

Lack of free-play Mr. Do! notwithstanding, TMG11 was an incredible show.  I was there in a co-venture with Podkayne Studios (the lovely wife's real job) selling pixel art, but that didn't stop me from taking in as much as I could of what the show had to offer, and at least a half dozen hot pretzels...
Before I get into my main focus of the show, I'll break down some of the other cool stuff that people were jazzed about.  First and foremost is probably the two-day appearance by the Angry Video Game Nerd.  Lesser nerds love this guy.  He's more popular than Columbo.  I kid you not, there was a line through one exhibit hall, down the hallway, and out the door to meet this guy and get an autograph.  It was crazy.  All due respect to the dude, though, he seemed like a real down to earth cat who wasn't letting internet fame go to his head.  Smart guy, he clearly gets it and was appreciative of the turn out.  Although, I heard rumblings of a movie in the works, which oft spells doom for culty followings like this.  It killed that Aqua Teen Hunger Force the kids were all a-buzz about a few years ago.  Let's hope the Angry Nerd can escape that fate.

She'd even speak to you!

Also on hand was actress and model Chase Masterson.  Ms. Masterson is perhaps best known in these circles for her portrayal of Leeta on the final seasons of DS9.  She was at the convention all three days and was very gracious and appreciative of her fans.  I only spoke to her in passing, but she was as cool as if we were old friends.  Again, it is nice to see people who get it.  This is one of Femme Fatale's 50 Sexiest Women in the World and she was just hanging out talking to fans and signing autographs like regular folks.  Very cool.  Ms. Masterson also accepted donations of anything video game related to help out Homeboy Industries (http://www.homeboy-industries.org/) a non-profit organization that helps at risk teens build a better life.  Again, very cool.  Check her out at http://www.chasemasterson.com and open your mind a bit and look at more than just the pictures pages, yes?
(continued elsewhere after this break...)

12 Months, Sixty Dollars and a GBA: April

A Sound of Thunder
from our friends at bam!

This was going to be Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, but Aimee said, "don't get another movie tie-in," so I started looking for something else.  Tucked away at the back of the case was this game, A Sound of Thunder which no one in the shop, customers or staff, had ever heard of.  It was priced at $1.95, a sure sign it was a real winner.  As a courtesy, the owner of the store made an attempt to look the game up online.  The only thing he could bring up was a picture of the box art: an image of a man shooting a dinosaur in the mouth.  Things were looking up.  How bad could a game be where you either shoot a dinosaur in the mouth, or you try to eat a puny human as he meekly tries to defend himself?  Either way it's a win, right?  For $1.95 I was willing to find out...

Oh how I wish this were a Prince of Persia review...

 

Would that I could, Mr. Gyllanhaal...

But instead here we are with A Sound of Thunder, which as it turns out is a movie tie-in after all.  I'm probably the only person who has not seen this 2005 neo-classic, but if there are others like me out there, let me give you the scoop.  The movie, and subsequent game, centers around a time traveling hunter who inadvertently causes a butterfly effect when he accidentally sets off a chain reaction in the prehistoric era that  threatens to rip the fabric of space/time apart.  All in all, what could be a fun premise. If the movie was executed half as poorly as the game, it is no wonder Franchise Pictures is not a household name.

Think Tomb Raider without a buxom brunette and interesting level design and you pretty much have A Sound of Thunder.  The level design is uninspired.  The puzzle elements are weak and poorly implemented.  Difficulty is a mixed bag: some levels you can literally sprint through, in others you run out of ammo so often it's tiresome trying to alternately run away from the little dinos and zap them with your taser stick.  The game never inspires much fun and to that point I only made it about half-way through before saying enough was enough.

A typical day at the office

Graphically, the game is alright for a GBA game.  The characters and enemies are a little garbled, but the environments are well rendered.  The real shame is that the backgrounds are pretty bland, mostly office buildings and abandoned streets for the first part of the game.  Not terribly eye-catching for a game about shooting dinosaurs in the face.  And all of that would be have been fine, if the game had tried to build to something, but a bland plot about fixing the mistake in the past by doing something or other, and trying to stay alive while doing it needs a lot of help from interesting characters or plot twists.  This game has neither.

I would like to think it is impossible to waste $2 on a Gameboy Advance game, but A Sound of Thunder proves me completely wrong.  Anyone who paid full price for this game when it came out should be refunded their money and given a free copy of one of those popular Pokemon games the kids all rave about.  I just picked up a Mary Kate and Ashley game for the original Gameboy that is more engaging than A Sound of Thunder, and I only wish that were hyperbole.  Aovid this game at all costs, don't even accept it from someone for free, your AA batteries deserve better.

A Sound of Thunder gets the first EF Wooden Nickel Award...

  

Next month, a Too Many Games Exclusive Secret Game goes on the chopping block....