Marvel Movie Project #4: Iron Man

This was #1 on the list for a very, very long time.  Robert Downey Jr. so perfectly captured the essence of Tony Stark that it can be hard to see the flaws in this film.  I was never a fan of Iron Man, the character.  I never read Iron Man comics and as far as an Avenger goes, I could have easily swapped him with Tigra and never known the difference, excepting that Tigra is a super-hot catwoman.

MEOW

But I digress.  The point is, I do not much care for Iron Man.  At least that was true until the movie came out.  I was super skeptical.  I thought there was no way they could make an interesting Iron Man movie.  I knew the special effects would be dumb and way too computer generated to be believed.  This movie was going to tank hard.

It is so nice to be wrong.  And it all starts with the stellar performance by Robert Downey Jr.  The man literally makes the film.  He breathes life into an otherwise boorish and obnoxious character and makes you really, really like him.  A lot.  Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark is a perfect synthesis of the right actor with the right script in the right movie.  No one else could have pulled this off with the level of arrogant charm that RDJ manages.  Forget the super-heroics, I could watch a two hour movie based on Tony Stark buying a hot dog from a hot dog cart.

Paltrow does a great job of bringing Pepper Pots to life as well, and she plays expertly against Stark's nonchalance.  Likewise, Jeff Bridges creates a wonderfully complex villain in Obediah Stane.  If you didn't know the characters well, you might not even see the reversal coming.  And when it does, what a great moment it is, thanks to Bridges playing the character to close to the vest.  The comics could use this level of subtlety at times!

As we have seen previously, it is very hard to tell an origin story and not over-complicate it.  (see Spider-Man)  Iron Man manages to not only tell an origin story, but it manages to make the origin story incredibly compelling.  The story of Tony Stark being captured and forced to work for terrorists, then turning that work on his captors makes for a great story, again with or without the Iron Man suit.  Taking that ball and running with it by tying in the Stane master plot creates a tight tale that does justice to both classic and modern interpretations of the core Iron Man character.

And on top of all of that, they go and make the damn suit.  Oh sure, Iron Man features some amazing CG, but because they wanted to make sure they made the film right, they went and made the suit.  And that, my friends, much like the path less taken, has made all the difference.  It looks real because it IS real!  Go figure.  And when you have something real to ground your CG in, it makes the CG that much more convincing and organic.  (Memo to George Lucas)  Iron Man features perhaps some of the most fluid and natural CG work since Lord of the Rings (which is holding up rather well, honestly).  The Iron Man suit looks great and the flying scenes are totally realistic.  There is great attention to detail in the effects that elevate them above the usual gimmick level that happens all too often in big Hollywood movies (see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, what the fork?)

So, great story, great acting, great casting, smart scripting, incredible special effects that serve the story and not just the spectacle, what is there not to like about Iron Man?  Aimee will tell you (and for the record, I agree with her.  She makes a very convincing argument).

Aimee's Take:

I'm not going to retread what Stan has already articulated, because we agree entirely. This movie rocks like crazy and there's no stopping it. BUT

Here's the thing. This movie came out the same summer as Incredible Hulk. And in many, many ways, this movie follows the same general pattern as Incredible Hulk. People lost their very minds for THIS movie, but Incredible Hulk has been subject to heaps of critical shit and nonsense about how boring/stupid/awful it is. How do I feel about this?

Girl, please.

Now, listen. I loved Iron Man and I have gone years and years without EVER touching a comic that even mentions the character. Of Iron Man, I literally only knew that his "real" name was Tony Stark, he has an alcohol problem, and he wears a suit. I also know about the unrelated song of the same name. And it made me love the character.

However, Iron Man fails to convince me that it's the opus of modern comic book movies, and here's why I actually FOUGHT with my husband about its rank.

The Big Hollywood Ending.

If you recall, this is the same thing that troubles The Incredible Hulk. There's a crucial difference. As implausible as it is to have Emil Blonsky turn into that ridiculous version of the Abomination at the end of the movie, it makes sense. They spend a lot of time painting him as the kind of man whose hunger for power and strength makes him hate and envy the Hulk's power. I can totally buy that he begins basically "juicing" just to get the edge over this powerful being. I think the ending is still kind of stupid, but whatever. It does follow what's been set up in the film. I don't like where they go with it, but it works.

This post is about Iron Man, I swear.

In Iron Man, there is a similar "two big superhero things battle it out in a big place with collateral damage" scene. Only in this one, it's Obadiah Stane who climbs into that super suit and slugs it out like a cornered pugilist. His thirst for physical power and mega-strength has led him to this... wait. What?

No. Obadiah in this movie is absolutely NOT the man who climbs in the big stupid suit and launches zingers at Pepper while he fights zippy little Tony. Why on earth would he do that? This man is behind the scenes. And the only reason that Tony knows he's truly bad is because Obadiah told him he was. As he killed him in a way that left his hands clean. He deprived him of a life-saving device, he didn't strangle him with his bare hands. That's not the kind of man Obadiah has been presented to be. He's white collar, crafty, manipulative and powerful. He doesn't need to get in the suit. It will give him nothing.

I'm going to spin this one, but next time I'll probably just wear a big metal suit to solve my problems. 

Getting in the suit really seriously tips Obadiah's hand, too, something he goes to extraordinary lengths to avoid. The man who gets in the suit to slug it out with Tony is not the same man who hires terrorists to kidnap Tony in another country, and kill him without anyone ever knowing that it was his idea all along. This is not a man who is obsessed with being a physical juggernaut who can kill Tony himself. Twice he tries to kill Tony without getting his hands dirty.

I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, IRON MAN!

I know what you're thinking. This third time is where he snaps and goes, "Forget it, I'll kill him myself!" Ooookay. Who is he? Skeletor? This is not what he's going to do, and if it is, we are not seeing the break properly. He's not being built into a character that has a break or is lead to this conclusion. I firmly believe that the man I saw in this film would slink into the shadows, hidden behind a vast network of legal and illegal organizations, ready to strike again. He's not going to risk his public reputation. He'd be pissed that Tony turned up alive, but not so pissed he wouldn't try to spin it before he climbs in the big stupid suit and rides it all the way to the Big Hollywood Ending.

Because Blonsky's transformation is clearly motivated and illustrated very well throughout his story, I think that makes his ending BETTER, and thus, I think it makes the movie BETTER. I don't love what was done, but I understand where it comes from.

Because Stane's transformation is not clearly motivated and not illustrated at all through his story, I think that makes his ending STUPID, and thus, I think it makes Iron Man the slightly less good movie. But because the entire movie has higher production values and slicker execution (and a much more charismatic protagonist), it's only on that note that it gets the nod and the higher ranking.

Believe me when I tell you, I agonize over this. I try getting people on the street to see my view and join my cult. I usually fail, and although Stan agrees with me he still doesn't totally agree, even though everyone can see I'm clearly right about this.

I love both movies. I seriously do. I promise. This is hair splitting that we aren't going to see again until we hit the top two. It burns me that Incredible Hulk isn't in the top 5 but I can accept it. Iron Man is better. But only slightly.

Jawbreaker!

For the first time in well over a year I added a new game to my Atari 2600 collection.  I've been collecting for the 2600 for over 10 years in a transparent attempt to regain or relive (you choose) my childhood.  In that time I have amassed a silly amount of Atari 2600 games.  At this point my collection has reached a threshold:  all of the games I need are either on the rare side (some extremely so) or they are ridiculously common and I usually balk at paying more than a couple of dollars for them.  So these days when a new game comes along, it is cause for celebration, and hopefully lots and lots of playing the new game.

The newest addition to my 2600 collection is the Tigervision game Jawbreaker!  Jawbreaker is only moderately rare (a rarity 5 on the Atariage ranking), but has eluded me for some time.  My good friend Deatrick recently went to a classic gaming show in Columbus, OH and there purchased it for me.  I paid $25, a bit higher than I would usually go for a rarity 5 game, but since this one has been outstanding for so long, I went for it.



The game cartridge itself is in pretty good condition with some glue soaking through the label due to age (in nerd circles we refer to that as "Actiplaque" as it is most common with Activision games), and some minor peeling on the end label.  But all in all it is in good shape.  Tigervision had the cool gimmick of putting some of their games in colored carts, so they look extra cool in the collection.  Jawbreaker has a red cartridge, which will look really cool above my King Kong Tigervision cart which is blue!

But I don't buy games just to look good on a shelf (it is a nice perk though).  I buy games to play them.  Tigervision has a wildly inconsistent library of games that are for the most part playable, but often marred by blocky (even for the VCS) graphics that lack the refinement of games by companies like Parker Bros. or Activision.  Likewise the game play is often reduced down and simpler than it has the potential to be.

Jawbreaker tows that line very well.  The game is a Pac-man clone with elements of Turmoil or maybe Taz thrown in for good measure.  You are a pair of jaws set loose in a candy store.  Your job is to eat through eight screens of candy bars while avoiding the Smiling Face enemies that roam the maze looking to chomp on you.  Three times per maze, an energizer will appear in the center of the screen.  Eating this energizer will allow you to turn the tables on the Smiling Faces and chomp them instead.  Extra lives are awarded every other round.


The difference between Jawbreaker and a game like Pac-man is the build of the maze.  Unlike the static maze featured in Pac-man, the maze in Jawbreaker is constantly shifting.  Each wall of the maze features a single passage through to the next row.  This passage is constantly moving horizontally across the screen.  In addition to the passage in the maze wall, you can also go around the ends of the maze wall to enter the next row.  This provides some serious challenge since your escape route is never assured, at least not while in the middle of a row.

The Smiling Face enemies only appear one at a time in a row and there are only four of them in total.  This means that there will always be at least half of the rows on the screen unoccupied. However, the Smiling Faces can change direction at any given time and can reappear in any unoccupied row at any time.  They cannot use the passages nor go around the end of maze walls. Like in Pac-Man, eating the energizer gives you a brief window where you can eat the Smiling Faces and/or clear candy bars in peace.

Toothbrush or torture device?

As you progress, the Smiling Faces move faster and faster and seem to make better decisions on how to attack and corral you.  The AI doesn't seem to change when you eat an energizer, so occasionally the Smiling Faces will run right into you when you are the aggressor.  When you clear a level you get an interesting intermission where a double-sided tooth brush comes and cleans up your act.  Very strange.

You get three lives in all with the potential to earn up to 3 more (you may only have 3 maximum at any time, so go ahead and waste one at the end of every other round if you like).  The game's instruction manual seems to indicate that there are only 8 levels, but it does not say what happens at the end of level 8.  I have been playing for a couple of hours and have made it to level 4, but the difficult gets serious as the Smiling Faces get faster.

But is it fun?  Yeah, kind of.  I mean, I'd rather play Ms. Pac-man on the 2600, but Jawbreaker does not give a let down experience.  It is still fun to play, it's just not incredibly fun to play.  I would not recommend this game to you in deference to better, similar games on the system.  Graphically, it's alright.  It doesn't need much in the way of flash and it definitely does not overachieve in that capacity either.  I'll probably play it more than once, and I'll probably play it for high scores until I manage to get to the end of screen 8, but it's not going to make any best games lists.  I will say that it was worth $25 to fill a gap in my collection with a game that is moderately playable, but that may also be time talking since there has been such a drought in finding new games for my collection.

My advice to you?  There are far better games of this genre out there for the Atari 2600.  Go play one of them.  From a collecting standpoint, Jawbreaker is a rarity 5, but to be honest the value is more in the $15 dollar range than the $25 I paid.  If you can get it for $8, you've got a good deal there.

All of that said, it is nice to have a new game in my collection after far too long.  Now to find Espial, a game I have been after for about 6 years....

(For more information on Atari 2600 games and collecting check out www.atariage.com and www.atarimania.com)

Playing it Through: Final Fantasy VII

I was debating what to play the other day after taking a trip through Simon's Quest and then Luigi's Mansion (gearing up for Halloween next month...).  Aimee and I are playing Donkey Kong Country Returns, so that was satisfying my platforming itch, and I was looking for something RPG-ish, but I didn't want to start a whole new thing.  That's when I got another itch, a non-platformy itch that comes around every year or so, an itch that calls me to play through what might be the single greatest story-driven (Japanese-style, if you like) RPG ever, Final Fantasy VII.  When a game is as great as FFVII, it calls to you to play it.  It calls to you to come to the planet's defense against the evil of Shinra one more time.  And you have to answer.

And I have.

I started playing FFVII yesterday afternoon (after I got my chores done, of course), and the rest of my day was a loss.  10 hours later I'm standing outside of Junon Harbor.  There is a reason why FFVII is heralded as one of the greatest games of all time:  it's just fun to play, no matter how many times you run through it.  There is a charm here that doesn't get old.  Sure there are parts that I like less than others (the parade in Junon comes to mind...), but even those don't seem so bad when you are wrapped up in the game's engaging story.  And FFVII brings story to the table in spades.  Even for those like myself who have played through this dozens of times before, it is difficult to not get engaged in the characters and the mystery of the Ancients, and Sephiroth and Aeris, and the plight of the planet.  There are enough twists and turns in the story to make it fun to watch even when you know how it comes out (like watching Babylon 5 over again).

As great as the story is, what makes FFVII compelling for me, time after time, is the game play.  Really tight turn based battles, great combat aspects like Summon magic and Limit Breaks, and a character customization system that is both simple and yet deep make playing the game a fun experience every time.  I love the Materia system and the fact that your magic grows and even multiplies the more you use it.  Equipping the materia to different weapons and armor and choosing weapons and armor based not solely on their power, but on the number of materia slots and the growth rate lends a unique and interesting dynamic to an RPG mainstay.

I had an absolute blast yesterday crawling around Midgar, dressing like a girl to meet Don Corneo (Aeris got picked though, I think I had the wrong dress, so no "poik-poik-squish" this time...), speeding down the freeway whacking Shinra bikers with a stick, and falling through a church roof to meet an ill-fated young flower girl.  Even when you know what you are doing and moving at a good pace, it takes about 7 hours to get out of Midgar and on to the world map. Midgar is such a cool place, though, and so smartly designed it's no loss to spend time there.  But for me the game really opens up when you get to the world map.  There are chocobos to catch and ride (still not my favorite part of the game, but fun), Midgar Zoloms to run screaming from, and a cute little Ninja you can't turn your back on.  It's like leaving your hometown for the first time and realizing that the interstate goes to many other amazing places.

After fleeing Midgar, I grinded levels for a bit (something that in this game like few others, is actually fun) and then went Chocobo hunting.  No amount of grinding at this time will prepare me for the horror of the Zolom and his vicious Beta attack.  One of the best things you can do this early in the game is pick up the Matra Magic Enemy Skill from one of the machines that wander around Midgar's immediate area.  Easily the most powerful abilities you can possess at this point in the game, it makes the bands of little tree monsters and those horrible flying purple birds much easier to combat.

After picking up the Chocobo (always throw the greens FIRST) I dashed across the Zolom marsh, with that horrible shadow giving me much chase, and into the Mythril Mine.  I forgot how short that mine is, so after the encounter with the Turks, I hung out for a bit and grinded a few more levels.  The Mythril Mine is home to the always important Long Range materia.

Sephiroth takes the honey badger approach to the Midgar Zolom

Back outside, I went ahead and cleared the Fort Condor strategy game.  This is a fun and surprising little side game that completely baffled me years ago when I played it for the first time.  What is this strategy game doing in my RPG?  Confusing yes, but FFVII is full of asides like this, so not uncharacteristic.  That said, being a pro, I easily defeated the Shinra attackers and won the day.  The best part of Fort Condor is the free room and board!  Now if only they'd let me have that Phoenix materia....

Leaving Condor, I did what you really must do next: get Yuffie.  Her super cool limit breaks and plucky spirit make it really hard to play through this adventure without her.  Plus, you can grind a few levels waiting for her to show up.  I cannot tell you how many times I screwed up catching her the first several times I played this game.  That save point is so alluring.  But you cannot take your eyes off Yuffie, and you have to play equal parts hard to get and stroke her ego in order for her to join, but once she's in, she's in (well, until later...).

So that's where I am now.  My current party consists of Cloud, Red XIII (I give him his real name: Nanaki) and Yuffie.  I almost never play with Barret because I get my fill of him in Midgar and I don't really care for his limit breaks or combat skills.  I love Tifa and almost always play with her which means that Red or Yuffie get sidelined.  So this time I'm taking those two on the adventure!  I don't play with Aeris much anymore because I can't take the heartbreak.

And with that we're off to Junon!  I'll keep updating with commentary and other tidbits from the adventure as we go along!  Please join me as I play through and feel free to toss out your own comments in the Comments section!

Follow the rest of my adventure after the JUMP!

Marvel Movie Project #5: X2: X-Men United

And here we are in the Top 5!  And kicking it off with what was the greatest team movie for a very long time!  When X-men came out it was a vanguard.  It broke new ground and made all of the mistakes one might make when blazing a new trail.  X2 was the follow-up that smoothed all of those wrinkles.  In the vein of Empire Strikes Back, X2 captures the essence of great characters in a way the introductory tail cannot.  It puts those great characters through their paces and explores their motivations and desires with a level of depth and care you can only achieve with characters that are already established. And the best part of it all (for nerds), is that this film manages to do that by successfully drawing from powerful source material in the comic books.

One of the best things you can do in storytelling is make the villain of the piece so compelling that you can almost see their side of the story and you find yourself not entirely against them.  X2 nails this.  Mutants as a whole are up against a communal threat in William Stryker, a human who seeks to use his mutant son (no moral ambiguity there) to wipe out all mutants.  The abduction of Charles Xavier to this end forces an extremely uneasy alliance between Magneto and his rag-tag bad of evil mutants and the X-men.  The two divergent teams must work together to free Xavier and stop Stryker's plan.  This leads to many opportunities for tension between Magneto and the X-men and forces you to consider that Magneto is more than just a bad guy who tried to basically do the reverse of Stryker last movie.  The depth and complexity of the character gets careful attention as you realize he is more about protecting his people from those who hate and fear them, than he is about just being evil.  And the best part is that X2 allows this to happen organically and not shove it down your throat.  Smartly done.  Magneto led the X-men in the comics for a time as well (probably several times given Marvel's inability to write fresh stories in the past 20 years...), and it was a powerful story to read.  It is always nice to see that kind of crafty storytelling translated to the 2 hour format.

He said he could help you! Let him! Damn it! It would be so badass!

Because the people behind X2 learned from the first film, there is also a healthy Wolverine sub-plot that pits him against the man who made him (Stryker) and his newest, deadliest toy, Lady Deathstrike.  Thus, we gets lots more Wolverine action and as you all know, I could watch Hugh Jackman be a badass all day.  But the Logan subplot is smart too, and it doesn't try to steal the show, it just hums along adding meat to an already delicious story.   The showdown between Logan and Deathstrike is as epic as anything in the comics.

And I haven't even mentioned Nightcrawler yet!  Kurt Wagner is as rich and complex a character as you might want.  To be able to introduce him and use him as an obvious plot device, and still make him a funny and sympathetic character proves that X2 is one of the most carefully written movies on our list.  And creepiest, watch closely during the part where they go to rescue the children, Nightcrawler is actually in the room BEFORE he teleports in.  Look in the shadows behind the children just before he teleports in, he's already THERE!  CREEPY!

The only weak part of this movie for me was Stryker.  He was compelling as the mastermind of the plan, but he was kind of flat as the main enemy.  His son is a wheelchair bound headcase, so there's not much threat there either.  But if it means a smart story rife with moral ambiguity and deep characters, I'll take a meek bad guy.  To be honest, The Incredible Hulk would have been #1 on this list (maybe) if it had taken the meeker villain approach.  X2 features the kind of story that doesn't want a big Hollywood beat 'em up ending.  We don't need a literal monster to fight here, because Stryker, his hate and his plan are evil enough. I just wish Stryker himself were a bit more interesting.

All in all mild critique for what is otherwise a smart, action-packed sequel that learns all of the lessons from its ground-breaking predecessor. X2 is definitely top 5 material.

Aimee's Take:

First, allow me to apologize for the tardiness of this article--Stan and I welcomed baby boy into the Frankfurter family at the end of September, and it's been quite a little while since I had a few minutes to string together somewhat coherent thoughts while at a keyboard. As you can see, based upon the previous sentence, I'm not quite back into the swing of things yet. 

X2. Whew, ok, let me start by saying this is probably in my personal top 5 for sure. It's certainly my favorite of the first series X-Men movies (eat that Wolverine). 

What can I say? I love pretty much everything about it. I love the cooperative aspect between the X-Men and the Brotherhood; I love Magneto's escape from the plastic prison; I love the Weapon X sequence... but most of all I love how it's a relatively small story that has large implications. What they're working to stop is the annihilation of all mutants/then humans, but it's not a doomsday device--it's the mind and Cerebro with which we play. In other words, the antagonists exploit Professor X's own equipment. Very refreshing. 

I don't mind Stryker as much as my loving husband. I think he seems like the right kind of bloated old asshole who has allowed prejudice and personal tragedy to fester. I can easily see why he has spent years grinding an ax. I think he's pretty much the perfect threat.

But who are we kidding? The best part of the movie is the opening Nightcrawler sequence. Actually, I think Nightcrawler is the best thing about this movie (and considering it's mostly about Wolverine, that's saying something.)

And, the second best part of this movie is the sequence where the mansion is evacuated and Wolverine is a freakin' badass.

You tell me this doesn't belong in the top 5. Seriously. Yeah, I know, I know, Captain America, blah blah blah. It sucked, get over it. Maybe Winter Soldier will be better.

Marvel Movie Project #6: The Incredible Hulk

Aimee here! First let me apologize that this project is slowing down. It's 100% on me--I'm on the final stretch of my pregnancy and only interested in laying down and eating donuts. Anyway...

I thought I'd take the lead on this one because, well, frankly, this is my X-Men 3. This is the movie I love and defend despite the fact that everyone seems to hate. And I mean hate.

First of all, I don't know what more you want out of a damn Incredible Hulk movie.

There's no bothersome origin story here. The "backstory" is told through open-ended flashbacks and illustrated through the narrative--which I frankly find more enjoyable. With a film like this, you have to expect that at least 75% of your audience is going to be at least mostly familiar with the character.

We spend a good amount of time being introduced to meek, unassuming scientist-in-hiding Bruce Banner. A peek at his life reveals much about his character. Edward Norton knocks it out. I feel like he's perfect for the role here. Bruce Banner is not a body builder. He has a lot of issues. He's a scientist. He's not really the "super hero" type. He's at odds with what he wants his life to be versus what the big guy brings to the table.

I also love the terrific nods to the Incredible Hulk TV show. The show has very little to do with the comic, to be honest, but it's still an interesting and sensitive take on the character. I think Norton models a lot from Bill Bixby, and frankly, it works. They both seem like guys who wouldn't have a monster lurking inside--which is the very reason watching them grapple with the Hulk is compelling. This is why "I'm-the-Hulk-all-the-time" Eric Bana is horrible choice and a miserable Banner.

I'm glad to see a more interesting Thunderbolt Ross in this iteration; although I do believe by the end he's gone a little over-the-top. Same with Blonsky. I actually really enjoy Tim Roth in the role initially; he is off-kilter and compulsively power-mad, so his eventual transition to the Abomination makes some sense even if it, too, is an over-the-top addition to the film. More on this later.

I like Liv Tyler in the role of Betty. I don't mind that they've made her into a fellow scientist. It's not unbelievable and gives Betty something to do other than be tossed around by hapless fate. She and Bruce do seem like a fairly believable couple, although I do question Betty dumping her current boyfriend in two minutes just because Bruce came back. He's trying not to make waves, but she's all the way in without any hesitation. Maybe that's what would happen; I don't know.

The plot revolves around traveling to New York in order to make an attempt at curing Bruce of his affliction--again, feeling like a TV Hulk nod--and ultimately having a throw-down with Thunderbolt and his cronies, one of which winds up being the out-of-control Abomination (thanks to Samuel Stern's intervention with Bruce's unique gamma poisoning...)

This is where the movie gets...uh...stupid. I know, I know. I love this movie for its wonderfully sensitive portrayal of Banner and his demons. But... well, Iron Man. It came out earlier in the same summer. What does that mean? Big Hollywood Ending.

1. The Abomination looks stupid. I'm sorry, he does. I hate the character design; it's not the worst take, I guess, but the big bone-cracking transformation seems...ridiculous.

2. What's that? Sensitive portrayal? No no no, we need to have two "big guys" slug it out in traffic. It won't be a good movie if we don't do the thing where one of them picks up a car with a family in it. That hasn't been done many times.

3. Let's do that thing where after "ridding" the main character of his powerful flaw, we need him to have it again so he can stop the other thing that was supposed to kill him.

My complaints are mainly based on the design and execution of the ending here. I do feel that the character of Blonsky has been groomed appropriately to become the Abomination. Pay attention to that, because you're going to see me bring this up again in another review. But on the whole, it's overblown and unnecessary and kind of ruins the credibility that we were building for this movie.

On the whole, I absolutely believe this movie belongs in the top 10; I actually advocated early on that it belonged much higher. Unfortunately for it, it just can't edge its way out of the 6 slot due to the stiff competition and its disappointing conclusion. It has the distinction of what I feel is the best Banner (although Avengers is a game-changer) and will probably always be my underdog dark horse favorite. My apologies to those who thought it was stupid and boring.

Stan's Take

My Lovely Wife is exactly right.  This is the smartest, most thoughtful treatment of the Hulk character since Peter David's run on the Incredible Hulk comic book and the surprisingly high quality TV show.  Norton's performance is smart and nuanced.  He is Banner in every sense of the character.  The supporting characters are equally strong and while Roth's Blonsky is a bit of a departure from the source, his portrayal of a man mad with power is frighteningly compelling.

The characters are the backbone of this film's success, but the storytelling deserves some recognition for putting those great characters through their paces in a way that makes you really care about the them.  Banner is believed to be dead and is hiding out in South America as he works on a cure for his condition.  The movie opens with him being discovered and on the run.  Right off the bat you are invested in Banner's survival and his escape.  This is partly due to Norton being so damn likeable and partly because of the sympathy he generates for his plight.  Even though we are put right into the action and are only given a glimpse of the Hulk, the story is instantly engaging. 
Later, when Banner returns to the US and he is hiding out near his old university trying to get his hands on his research, there is a chance encounter with Betty where Banner must run from the person he loves the most rather than risk putting her in danger.  Moments like this make the heart sink and further drive home the cost of the curse of the Hulk.

With all of this drama you might worry that the movie is light on action, but with the exception of the ending, this movie does an incredible job of pacing the action with the drama and using action to raise the stakes for each character.   The best action scene in the film takes place on the campus of Banner's old university.  Giant sonic cannons are brought into play to subdue the Hulk.  There are extremely, carelessly powerful missiles and flamethrowers in use.  Tanks, jeeps, and army dudes by the score descend upon the campus to kill Banner before he can become the Hulk.  Of course, the Hulk wins the day by smashing everything to tiny bits (and putting the serious hurt on Blonksy), but he also takes a beating for the sole purpose of protecting a foolish Betty who runs out on the field of battle because she has the brain damage (only reason I can think of, although the movie would suggest it is to stand against her father's Moby Dick-esque obsession with the Hulk).  Make no mistake the moment is all action, but at its heart are great characters being put to the test.

And then, the whole thing just devolves into standard Hollywood blockbuster nonsense.  It's a Hulk movie so the Hulk has to fight some other kind of Hulk who is somehow stronger than he is and overcome him to win the day.  I have no idea why.  The movie was set up to be much smarter and subtle, but America's lowest common denominator prevails and instead we get a Transformers level smash-em-up instead.  It is kind of fitting, however, since the only watchable part of the first Hulk movie was the last 10 minutes.  It only makes sense that the only cringe-worthy part of this movie was the last 10 minutes.

I would be remiss in overlooking the fact that while still not perfect, the Hulk CG does look much improved in this film.  The Abomination is a sad cartoon, but the Hulk looks pretty good.  We have to wait for the Avengers for the Hulk to look his very best.

Ending aside, The Incredible Hulk is an exceptional film and although it is ranked #6 on our list, it really represents the beginning of the true Elite Marvel Movies.

Next time we'll crack the Top 5 and take a look at the very cream of the crop in Marvel Movies.  See you next week!

Marvel Movie Project #7: X-men: Last Stand

Everyone hates this movie except me and I have only found out about this recently.  I don't get it.  X-men 3 isn't The Avengers, but it also isn't Fantastic Four and while I realize there is a sea of difference between the two, I struggle to find what's not to like here. (Aimee will help us out there)  I mean, this movie pretty much has it all:  more fun with characters I like, the balls to kill off three very prominent characters, new/interesting villains, old/interesting villains, a fairly straightforward plot, the Beast says "oh my stars and garters" and it works!, and big climactic final battle that rivals some of the great X-men showdowns in the comics!

X-men 3 is a logical and necessary conclusion to X-2, so it is never going to stand on its own as a great film, but as team movies go I think it is pretty strong.  Sure, the Angel storyline is almost completely superfluous, but it is also very forgettable.  I think the balance is better here than it was in X-men, which, while being a decent ensemble piece, felt like Wolverine's debutant ball.  By the time we get to X-men 3, the characters are all fully developed and we are allowed to enjoy them being put to the test.  Storm in particular shines in this film where before Halle Berry seemed more content to play Catwoman.  Kelsey Grammar is an unexpectedly compelling Beast, and Rebecca Romijn gets a surprising twist in Mystique story arc.  And, of course, Ellen Page captures Kitty Pryde dead-on.

There is a lot to like in X-men 3 and a lot of lessons have been learned.  Gone are the days of the World Peace Festivals and Doomsday machines.  Instead we get a plot that, while condensed, is straight from the pages of the comic books.  We get internal strife within the X-men as characters follow their natural story arcs and disagree on what is best for the future of the team.  We get plenty of hard-hitting action without having to concoct a lot of goofy reasons for it.  Comic book nerds also get lots of nuggets to feast upon with cameos by Jamie Madrox the Multiple Man and Psylocke and much needed screen time for the under-used Colossus.  Not to mention the awesome "Days of Future Past" Danger Room sequence.

With all of these great things going on, I find it hard to find major fault anywhere in this film.  For me it is just a fun action-romp with great X-men characters in a world that has been firmly established.  Does it have problems?  Sure.  But they are not big enough for me to get in a snit over and they certainly do not diminish my enjoyment of this film.  There are two (three if you count The Avengers) other team films ahead of this one on the list, but X-men 3 earns its #7 spot by learning from the mistakes of other team films, particularly X-men, and succeeding in delivering a blockbuster-type experience.

Aimee's Take:

I really don't like Angel, I think he's stupid. 

I really don't care for the "mutant cure" premise.

I think there are altogether too many premises in this movie.

But, here's the good news. It's mostly ok. The film manages to execute a lot of interesting things and represent characters, in general, much better than the first installment. It's a good movie. It has a lot going on, though--so you have to pay attention.

I'm biased. I saw this movie and did not like it at all in the theater. I had no idea where it was building and no patience for any pay off. I was pissed that it took a long time to get there, too.

Here's the thing, though, the second viewing changed things for me. Once the burden of navigating the plot was off my shoulders, it became much easier to sit back and enjoy the movie. Do I think it's the best out there? No. Is it better than much of the stuff that exists lower on the list? Yes. Is it better than, for example Spider-Man? I'm not as sure. I think it's better than the first X-Men.

I think this makes everything ok.

I lobbied pretty hard for this movie to be lower on the list. Stan wanted it higher. In order to keep X3 sufficiently low, I had to relinquish my stranglehold on the #1 spot. I think it was ultimately worth it; this movie is good but not great and should take a lower spot compared to what comes later on this list. And the #1 spot was almost a coinflip anyway...

 

Marvel Movie Project #8: Spider-Man

How timely.  Fast on the heels of this summer's Amazing Spider-Man release we find its predecessor, the original Spider-Man movie dialing in here at #8 and unsurprisingly they both suffer from the same shortcoming: the plight of the origin story.

Spider-Man is the poster movie for what can go wrong in an origin story.  It simply tries to do too much. Since no one could be sure that this movie would not be Spider-Man's one shot at the big screen, there was a lot of pressure to cram every single iconic thing about Spidey into this film and it really shows.  The Origin, the Green Goblin, girlfriend goes off the side of the bridge, death of Green Goblin, Aunt May has money problems, Peter Parker in high school, Peter graduates high school, Peter in college, MJ is an actress, MJ is a nerdy student, Peter and Harry share an apartment, Peter is a prize student, Peter is a photographer, the Daily Bugle.  It's just too much for a single movie.  Toss in a huge World Day celebration (I think it held over from X-men) with Macy Gray (oh my have we just dated ourselves) and it;s just too much.

Despite this, Spider-man ends up being a pretty enjoyable movie that manages to capture many, if not all, of the things that have made the web-head my favorite super-hero since childhood.  The origin story is pretty much intact so the responsibility subtext (not always so "sub") is strong and gives the film direction.  Peter is sufficiently nerdy, even though Tobey Maguire's portrayal is a bit heavy handed.  My biggest complaint with Maguire is that his Peter is too emotional.  Peter in the early comics was a well meaning young man, but he was distant from almost everyone due to the burden of his responsibilities both as himself and as Spider-man and the difficult juggling act of keeping them separate. It was that distance that contributed to his awkwardness and made his a loner.  The Peter in this film wears his problems all over his soft exterior and comes across a bit weaker than his source material.

The Green Goblin is handled pretty well here as well.  The character design is smart replacing the rubbery goblin costume for body armor, even if the mask turns out to be laughable and very rigid.  Willem Dafoe is exceptional as Norman Osborn and does his best to overcome the difficulties of his costuming.  The downside is that the Green Goblin story wants two, maybe three, movies to tell, so the character is a bit short-shirted here.

Kirsten Dunst is a decent MJ, but she's not given a lot to do apart from being the girlfriend.  You feel for her character, but you don't get invested enough to have her tossed off the bridge in this film.

However, there is one thing that Spider-Man gets right, perfectly right:  The Daily Bugle.  J.K. Simmons nails J. Jonah Jameson like Hugh Jackman nails Wolverine.  He is spot on and he makes every minute in the Bugle offices an absolute treasure and leaves us wanting more time there and less at the Macy Gray concert.  A nod to Bill Nunn for his quietly perfect Joe "Robbie" Robertson as well.

I realize that this is the #8 film on our list and yet it reads harsher than our #15 review, but that is only because expectations were so very high for this movie.  Spider-Man is Marvel's flagship character and this movie came fairly early in the era, so it had to really knock it out the park or the entire future of Marvel Comics based movies could have been doomed.  I'm also particularly hard on this film because we are nearing the top five and being so-so isn't going to cut it.

Spider-Man is a great movie.  Lots of fun, packed with action, and true to the source material, this film gets the important stuff right even if it overachieves and fails on some of the finer points.  For an iconic character's origin story you could  do a lot worse.

Aimee's Take

I love Spider-Man, the character. I debated missing my senior prom to go see this movie (opening was the same day). In retrospect, I'm glad I went to prom, but it's not a reflection of the quality of this film. It's pretty good. At the time, I think I was just happy to see Spidey on the big screen.

Now that time has elapsed a little, I think Spider-Man suffers from the same issues that X-men has; overall, it's pretty solid, the characters are mostly right... but the story is a little lacking and overblown, and has to include an origin of sorts for the uninitiated. Stan already nailed it but for me the whole "World Day"/Macy Gray fiasco is my primary problem with the plot. There's no need to make these characters somehow globally relevant. It's passable for the X-men, I mean, they go to space and whatnot, but Spider-Man is a street-level guy with street-level problems. 

I'm also not a big fan of MJ in this movie. MJ was, in the comics, introduced as a ray of vibrant light in Peter's complicated life. She got more complex as time wore on, but initially she was a bubbly answer to his demanding life, not caring too much about anything and seeking only thrills. This MJ is a little morose for my taste. She's a good-girl/girl-next-door in the way that Gwen Stacy is, although Gwen is more upbeat and, frankly, more competent. All in all she's just too beaten-down and grounded to be believable as a struggling actress; this MJ would go to community college at least, and follow it up with an uninspired job.

What the movie does perfectly, in my mind, is capture the Aunt May character; it also manages to completely master the atmosphere of the Daily Bugle, as Stan mentions above. Enough elements are spot on in this outing that I'm willing to extend it some slack for trying to do far too much in far too short a time.

Spider-Man is fun. It does a lot of things good, some things, great, and most others passably. That's why it's #8. There's nothing glaring here, and it manages a very high production value without becoming bogged down in (too much) Hollywood nonsense.

Marvel Movie Project #9: X-men

That's right, another one from the early days that still manages to hold up, even in the face of far superior super-hero team movies like The Avengers.  X-men has obvious signs of being an early super-hero movie: there is the improbably world peace summit or whatever, there is the giant doomsday device that makes mutants via a whirling gyroscope, and there is inevitable battle atop a national landmark.  All entirely unnecessary, but not unexpected in a film that breaks ground the way X-men does.

If you overlook the goofy "Hollywood" crap, what you find underneath is a movie with a lot of heart that gets its base characters pretty much exactly right, and tells an adventure story that is fun to watch.  With a simple adventure story, there is plenty of time to focus on getting those characters right and satisfying the nerd contingent while also keeping things light enough for those who actually get out and date.

Speaking of getting characters right, Hugh Jackman.  Much like Snipes and Blade, I will accept NO ONE ELSE in the role of Wolverine.  Jackman nails the character right out of the gate and once he is introduced to the story, he is the reason we watch.  Look, Patrick Stewart is incredible as Professor X and Gandalf is compelling as Magneto (more so in the second film).  Cyclops, Jean, Rogue and Iceman are all great, but Jackman is so likeable as Logan that what is intended to be a team film borders on being a Wolverine film (and better one than the actual Wolverine film...)  Rebecca Romijn is also a breakout in this film, laying some nice groundwork for her future roles in the next two X-films.

Despite having a fairly standard plot, the storytelling is also smartly done here.  The story starts following Rogue, transitions to Logan and then opens up once we get to the school.  We are given two characters to relate to and to introduce us to the bigger world that the story takes place in.  It is also nice that the film has a sense of humor about itself that is allowed to manifest naturally through Logan's character ("what do they call you? Wheels?").  This keeps the gloomy plot from getting bogged down in itself and running us all into the river.

Like Blade, X-men is a product of the dawning of a new era in comic book movies.  It has its stumbling points, but it also has its successes and those successes greatly outweigh the "blockbuster syndrome" that plagues so many films of this genre.  It features enough geek moments for us comic book fans, but does not do so to the exclusion of a general audience.

Aimee's Take:

I'm not as taken with this film through the lens of time, but it's still a very serviceable X-Men vehicle. It suffers from all the problems of a major "introductory" film (i.e. "Hey, look at all these characters! This is what they do!") and suffers from some odd choices on the part of the direction/acting (Storm's inconsistent accent comes to mind.)

Still, it manages to capture the essential flavors of all the characters presented. Stan is quite correct; Hugh Jackman kills it as Wolverine and I'll accept no substitutes. It's not his fault that the stand-alone movie sucked. I think Cyclops is a douche here, but he is in the comics so no harm done. Magneto is compellingly cardboard here, doing typical super villain type stuff, but failing to delve much deeper. It's ok, though, there are more movies to go into with these characters and they improve. Oh, do they improve.

I think the ridiculous "world peace togetherness" bullshit is what kills the overall greatness of the film. A number of earlier comic book efforts are guilty of this, and I continue to hate seeing it. The over-the-top Hollywood ending is a miserable thing to saddle a movie with, and sadly, this isn't the last we see of it. Not by a long shot.

While not, to me, as satisfying as our last entry, Punisher: War Zone, this movie packs an overall higher quality of storytelling, depth of character and production value. When you add in a little top-notch casting and characterization, X-Men manages to present a solid, fun ride that is ultimately quite worthy of the Top Ten.

4th of July Special!

Ah, the 4th of July!  The day when America celebrates its independence from one empire by buying and igniting combustibles from another empire that it has become dependent upon.  But you're not here for political tirades, you are here to be entertained.  And what can be more entertaining than taking a look at those very combustibles and the clever packaging designed to sell them to us, the American consumer.  And there is no better place to see ALL of the very best and brightest in fireworks than Reeves Boomland, the mecca of firework retail sales in the American Midwest.

For those of you not familiar, Reeves Boomland is literally a warehouse full of fireworks located in Southern Missouri.  They sell all of the great, highly dangerous fireworks that are illegal in states like Kentucky.  From Roman Candles to Mortar Rounds, Reeves Boomland sells everything you need to win a free ambulance ride and third degree burns to the hands and the face with summer.  Pyromaniacs and drunken rednecks alike flock to Boomland each year with the hopes of wheeling out a shopping cart full of explosives.  But how, oh how, do you pick which fireworks are going to be the right one for your sulfuric orgy?  There are literally thousands of brands and varieties of fireworks to choose from.  Sure, you want a sparking fountain, but which one?  What color?  Will it be as cool as you hope?  How is the prospective buyer to know?  As you might expect, the answer is entirely in the marketing.  Long standing companies like Black Cat and younger upstarts all compete for the consumers' dollars by trying to create the most exciting and enticing packaging for pretty much exactly the same product.  Pulling from popular culture and using evocative images and wording are sure way to draw the customer in and make your sale. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it goes a little askew.

Today we're going to celebrate Independence Day by taking a walk around the massive Boomland complex and check out a few of these head-scratching fireworks.

Language Barrier

Sometimes it is hard to know if the people naming or at least creating the labels for these fireworks have a firm grasp of the English language.  Engrish is very popular in lampooning these days, but sometimes its hard to tell if something is intentional or just an honest mistake.  Our first entrant is a clear case of "lost in translation."  The good folks at Boomland even tried to help the manufacturer out (see inset), but it didn't clarify as much as they might have hoped. Whether it is an exporative or an explorative (I'm not sure it makes a difference), this is a firework that guarantees to confuse, with fire.  Is "explorative" really better?

Sex Sells...Fireworks? 

American men love two things: beer and busty blondes.  Everyone knows this the world 'round. (football too, but it doesn't apply here nor is it alliterative)  So, of course, the best way to sell anything is to wrap it in pictures of buxom young ladies porting pitchers of ale.  While you are at it, toss in some clever names like "Pop the Top," "Last Call," "Bottoms Up," and "Happy Hour."  Never mind the fact that all four of those fireworks are exactly the same.  The real shame is that you have to set them on fire and ruin the St. Pauli Girl on the package.










Greatest Hits?

Fireworks aren't exactly known for their sequels, much less their entire bodies of work.  So exactly how this firework can be the "Best of..." anything is really beyond me.  I don't recall previous "Megatron" fireworks in the past, so I'm not entirely sure what to expect from this or what they might want me to expect from this.  And let's not forget the "Megatron" part of this whole thing.  As far as I know, Megatron is an evil Decepticon who turns into a giant gun that other Decepticons can grab and shoot at Autobots.  Nothing on the package suggests that this is the Megatron they mean, but who else could it be?  And let's not lose sight of the fact that this is the Best of Megatron 2.

Statute of Limitations?

Did the expiration date for the Space Jam trademark come and go already?  It doesn't seem that long ago that Jordan and Marvin the Martian were hooping it up, but now that beloved (or grossly over blown, you pick) franchise has made its way to the explosives circuit.  Never you mind that any hope of capitalizing on the Space Jam name went out the window about 15 years ago.  Maybe they are going for a retro thing here, but whatever they were thinking it leaves us with a suspect firework.  I particularly like the strange little rocket in the "J."




And While We are Talking About Copyrights...

Is this a blatant rip off of Pirates of the Carribean, or Finding Nemo?  I don't see an orange clownfish, so I'm going to go with the former.  But it's anyone's guess.  The real question is, if you are going to ape PotC, why is "Finding" your prefix of choice?  You have a vocabulary of more appropriate words at your disposal.  "Buccaneers," "Swashbucklers," hell even "Adventure" fits this box better than "Finding." The gold foil on the top is a nice touch, though.

Piss Off!

Let's face it, there is nothing subtle about fireworks.  By their very definition and design fireworks are big, bright, and loud.  Logically, I guess, the packaging is going to reflect those qualities.  Of course there is always room to go over the top.  This firework manages to go over the top and take a stab at the person buying it.  Then again, maybe this firework's message isn't for the consumer, but instead for anyone the consumer deems worthy of the message.  Maybe "that's your problem" is a word of warning to anyone who might complain about the noise or from their roof/yard being set ablaze as a result of the firework.  I can see why self-important rednecks might cause this one to be a sell-out.  The skeletal Uncle Sam gives me faith in my theory.




For a Change of Pace

Not everyone needs to be assaulted by their celebration.  Some folks prefer a slightly more reserved observation of their holiday.  And for those people, there is Denver. 983 miles west of Charleston, Missouri where Boomland is located, this firework seems just a tad out of place, geographically speaking.  Not to mention the fact that unless I missed a news report, Denver has never exploded, is not the seat of American historical freedom, and has no real relation to fireworks.
Take a look at the package.  I would argue for the language barrier here, but that package clearly shows mountains and the night sky.  They clearly know where Denver, Colorado is; they clearly know what kind of city Denver is.  So there must be something about this firework that makes it earn the name "Denver."  What that might be is anyone's guess.  We looked all over, but there were no other fireworks named after mountain states.  Maybe next year: "Helena."


The Wrong Kind of Explosives...

Action words are an intrinsic part of advertising, whether you are selling fireworks or dinner plates.  Action words inspire action, most hopefully the swiping of a credit card.  But you still have to pay attention to what words you are using and in what context.  At first blush, this seems like a perfectly reasonable name for a firework: "Forceful Movement."  Suggests action, literally states "movement," it gets the point across.  But as anyone who has eaten a passionate bowl of nacho cheese sauce will tell you, "forceful movement" has a whole other meaning.

Then again, the double meaning may be intentional if this firework is so incredibly exciting it causes you to fill your shorts...

I Don't Think It Means What You Think it Means... 

The language barrier here is obvious.  What I am curious to know, is how many of those who purchase this particular firework realize the mistake that is being made here.  I am willing to bet that number is proportionate to the amount of Larry the Cable Guy DVDs the subject has in their "liberry."  Those among us who graduated elementary school will probably steer clear of this stinky firework.

Sex Sells...Part II

I almost passed this one up.  Dirty Dancing in the Sky isn't terribly curious as a name for a firework and considering the body of work above us, it almost works.  But then something caught my eye:  this explosive is rated X for "X-treme."  It wasn't enough to leave the mildly clever name to its own.  No we had to take it to the next level and give this bad boy a rating.  And not just any rating, but rated X.  What can that even mean for a box of gun powder, cupric sulfate and magnesium?

And yet, I still find myself impressed by this piece.  Here in the age of excess, when XXX is the gold standard for just how "dirty" things can get, the designers for this firework show exceptional modesty in keeping their rating at the simple, understated X.  Well done.



What. The. &$#@?!

If you can make heads or tails of this one, I'll give you the floor.


On our way out the door, we spotted The Godfather.  $500 dollars worth of fireworks in one gigantic box that makes you an "offer you can't refuse."  I'm not sure who has $500 dollars left to blow on fireworks after buying beer for their 4th of July celebration, but should that situation arise, The Godfather is the one-stop shop for fireworks.

For those with less deep pockets, or deeper beer stomachs perhaps, The Godfather is not out of reach.  Boomland was generous enough to offer one lucky customer the opportunity to WIN The Godfather free and clear.  All you have to do is figure out how to enter, then actually enter, and if your name is pulled on July 3, you win.  Of course, step one is the toughest one.  Go!

Aimee rose to the challenge, but alas, as I write this we have yet to hear from Boomland, so I am going to presume The Godfather will not be exploding in our backyard this year.

It's just as well.  I have to work on the 4th and I'm not big on setting my neighborhood on fire.  It would appear I have neighbors, however, that do not share that sentiment (he says as a roman candle emission lands on the hood of a car across the street).

Thanks for sharing our trip to Boomland and taking a look at the curious world of retail fireworks.  For those of you who partake, hope you have a safe and relatively sober holiday.  For the rest of you, as you were.  As for me? I can think of no better way to celebrate my country's independence tomorrow than by going to the comic book store and then playing some Skyrim.  Bon Chance!

Marvel Movie Project #10 Punisher: War Zone

Yeah, you read that right.  Punisher: War Zone.  I realize that this is a shocker to most of you, but I am also willing to wager that many of you never saw this one.  I immediately dismissed it as soon as it came out on the back of how bad the Thomas Jane Punisher movie was.  There was no way I was going to see another terrible Puinsher movie.  And the trailer didn't defy my initial feelings.

That is why watching PWZ for this project was such a pleasant surprise.  This movie delivers everything that the original Punisher movie did not.  It is dark; it is gritty. It is set in a city that is appropriate for such a film. The action is over the top without being goofy or stupid.  The villain is not a cornball, but a twisted hardball who radiates evil.  The movie starts strong, does NOT beat us over the head with an origin story, and ramps smartly toward its high intensity climax.

PWZ does everything it promises us from the start.  It does not promise to be a study of violence a la Clockwork Orange.  It does not aspire to be great cinema, but like several of the movies in the middle of this list, what it promises is to be a violent action movie with clearly defined good guys and bad guys and the triumph of good over evil.  It's not hard to make a good, enjoyable movie, but nearly half the films on this list fail where Punisher War Zone succeeds.  Keeping it simple and staying true to what you are setting out to do goes a very long way.

Ray Stevenson's Frank Castle is heads above Thomas Jane's interpretation, who was likeable, but not given much to work with.  Stevenson takes everything he is given and then takes it to the next level.  He is gritty and serious and never once shows a hint of weakness.  He is the embodiment of justice and retribution, and bulletproof in his war on crime.  He gives you an easy character to cheer for.

Wayne Knight is a surprisingly pleasant addition as Micro; a character I honestly feel would have been more at home in the goofy first Punisher movie.  But instead of being an obese, bumbling milquetoast (yeah, I'm bringing that back), Micro proves his value to Frank's mission in the film much as he did in the comics.

Again, you are not going to be blown away by how incredible Punisher War Zone is, but you are also not going to be disappointed by it.  I firmly believe that it belongs in the Top Ten Marvel Movies of the modern era.  It delivers exactly what it promises and has few flaws that derail it from its goal.  Ultimately it is entertaining and enjoyable.  I would happily watch it again before I would watch any of the movies below it on this list.  Still skeptical?  Open your mind a bit, give PWZ a watch--invested only in having a good time watching a crime flick--and I think you'll see my point.

Aimee's Take

Ok, I get it. I have no doubt that you're sitting here wondering how on earth we could rank this movie, so panned and hated, in the absolute top ten. Yes, it beat out your precious Captain America. 

I'll tell you why it's so awesome: it delivers exactly what you want to see and no more, no less. It doesn't bog down in origin stories and gives you only the information you need to understand what you're dealing with. It features over-the-top violence in some pretty exciting ways, and while the acting isn't always the best, the entire package works as a gritty comic book on film. 

You know exactly what you're getting the very moment the Punisher puts a chair through a man's face. This is a workable level of camp. This is a real "Punisher clocks a polar bear" moment, and thus, a totally acceptable and compelling incarnation of Frank Castle on screen. It's not some angry guy fighting John Travolta's fat laughing ass-face in friggin' Florida and it's not Dolph Lundgren naked in the sewers. It's a lone vigilante fighting organized crime from the street level with the prowess afforded a combat-trained man with nothing to lose.

A chair through the FACE!

 And isn't that the kind of Punisher we all wanted to see? Not some kind of crazy complicated story that makes no sense, no tertiary characters without meaning (I actually really enjoyed Wayne Knight here). 

Ultimately, if you are squeamish about violence, you'll hate this thing. It has an impossibly high body count and, you know, chair-through-face action. But that's much closer to the beloved modern Punisher stories upon which the Thomas Jane film was supposedly based. If you love the character, and can take your "offendometer" off the hook for a couple of hours, you'll be solidly entertained. This film is not spectacular or beautiful. It's not going to win any awards. It simply... delivers. It's above reproach. 

It belongs in the Top Ten, no questions. I don't care what the critics say.